Good Lord, That's A Lot of Money

I've always been a firm believer in buying used books. Paying full price for a book seemed silly when I can buy it for ten percent of the list price and still get all of the original pages included. Also that governement sponsored Blockbuster but for books place makes it even ore painful to shell out that much cash. The only time I pay full price for the book is when the author is handing it to me. And that's what I did yesterday.

I heard about Adrienne Barbeau's book Vampyres of Hollywood on (ssshhhhhhocking) the Adam Carolla Show. But I read in my local paper that she was appearing at a book store two towns over.

After days of running around and not getting freaking things done, I decided I needed to have a little fun and go to a book signing. I asked my brother if he wanted to come and he obliged. Sadly he didn't realize it was a reading, Q&A, then signing. Sadly, I wasn't really looking forward to the entire thing myself, but that's okay. I read that it was at 7PM so we headed out at 6:15 even though it was only about 15 minutes away.

Yeah, I got directions online and I still got lost. That's a special talent of mine. I can be on the other side of the country with a map and do just fine, but I half-ass local directions and waste gas like crazy (Sorry Mother Earth.). Well, we get there at about 6:45 and decide to head on in and get a good spot.

Well, as I go in, I see on the board outside that the signing is at 5. WHAT, WHAT, WHAT????? Crap, I missed it. She's gone. Freaking newspaper telling me that it was at 7. I then had Homer's Mr. T at the mall story going through my head. I was about to tearfully ask if she would be back and be sad when they would say "they didn't know". But it worked out because in the back of the bookstore Ms. Barbeau was sitting signing books and chatting with a few stray customers.

This was awesome. I went up to her and said that I wanted to complain about the newspaper saying the wrong time. Then I realized I was blaming the paper and if under under oath, I probably could not swear that they got it wrong. I'm not perfect. She actually asked the store owner to check and see if it said 7. Turns out that there were events listed in a column and I read 7 for one of the other places. I hung my head in shame.

She said she was sorry that I missed the reading and the Q&A, but were there any questions I had for her. I can't believe I said it, but I turned to the person handing her the stack of books to sign and obviously watching the time for her and asked her how to become an assistant like her. Turns out she was the event coordinator for the store. Of well. I got one of the books, had her sign it. Asked if she could sign my copy of Cannibal Women in the Avocado of Death (Don't act like you've never seen it.), and got my picture taken with her.

So due to a blunder on my part, I missed the reading that would have spoiled part of the book, the Q&A I wasn't prepared for, the long line to stand in, and the feeling of rush because I didn't want to deny the people behind me their time with a celebrity. So all in all, it couldn't have gone better. Whoo! Now I just have to get past the sting of the $25 on my credit card and I'll be happy.

Something Costumed This Way Comes

I'm a bit sad. Ordinarily this is my time to shine in the creativity department. Unfortunately that's been shoved to the side due to the uncontrollable busyness at my job this year. And huge shock: I did not lose the twenty pounds I was hoping to to warrant the slutty costume I hope to don one day (Speaking of don, the slutty mob girl costume caught my attention while shopping last Saturday. Sigh...someday).

Well, I decided to take the easy road this year. And by easy, I mean the buy a costume that's horribly made, itchy, and looks vaguely like the character I was hoping for, but still have to buy the additional pieces on the picture of the costume, but are not included in the fifty dollar price. I swear it's highway robbery. And if you shop late, it's been opened, tried on and shoved back in the plastic bag. I had to deal with this for my boyfriend's costume. Awful. Fortunately, I got my costume the first week of October and I had a ten dollar off coupon, so as of now, I've spent twenty plus tax for my costume. I just need a white headband for authenticity and I'll be done.

I guess I can still claim creativity even though I'm selling out to the billion dollar costume industry. Damn adulthood and how it limits my time if I want to afford to pay my bills and whatnot! So I think I should get credit for participating in my first couples costume. I always though the electrical outlet/plug type costumes were a little lame. And I wanted to bring my pop culture spin on the concept for me and my man. Sadly, he did not even listen to my arguments for going as the Ambiguously Gay Duo.

It makes sense. He's blond and I'm a brunette. What's everyone looking at?

So giving it some thought, I came up with this: He would go as one of the Spartans from 300. I of course would be the beauty in his corner when he goes off to battle. That's right, Arianna, the Spartan cheerleader from Saturday Night Live. Decent idea right? I doubt it'll win best costume this year, but I'm proud of my idea. I'm only looking for one chuckle. That's what I'm after this year. And I've been practicing the cheers.

Who's that Spartan getting a wedgie? It's Me! It's Me! I bet after giving my boyfriend a wedgie in a Spartan costume, he'll wish we went as Ace and Gary.

A Moment of Silence

In a world where Don LaFontaine is no longer with us.....we must learn to deal...with a voice.... we may one day.....must find the courage..... to embrace.

Those types of trailers and commercials are beyond ripe for parody, but that doesn't mean that I'm ready to live without them. It used to be that I flat out refused to miss the trailers when I went to the movies. I'd get there twenty minutes before the movie started to get my spot, and count the trailers. If there were less than five, I was not satisfied. I could watch hours of them. I loved the show Coming Attractions on E! that was just a half hour of nothing but trailers. Yes, I was excited every time that green screen informing me that what I was about to see was been approved for all audiences appeared.

Of course now it's not a big deal because I spend hours online. Now I've seen the previews and I can use those precious few minutes to run to the bathroom before the opening titles. When I heard that the King of Voice-overs had died, I had a conversation with my boyfriend about how sad I was. I wondered how this would change my movie and TV experiences. He told me a lot of companies were trying to steer clear of that raspy "voice of God" voice-overs.

First of all, Morgan Freeman is and forever will be the champion of "voice of God" voice-overs. Second of all, even if that isn't LaFontaine in the commercial, I think we all know he could have done it so much better.

So wait, does this mean we now have to suffer more trailers with

ACTION SEQUENCE

Words over it

ACTION SEQUENCE

making a sentence

ACTION SEQUENCE

that will be the movie's tagline?

ACTION SEQUENCE

Date of Release.

I'm already tired of those. Maybe we can get Will Arnett to fill some of the void. Sadly, this week, in order to become a good replacement for Don LaFonatine, Will Arnett must become......a rapist.

Touch of Class

I would officially like to nominate Philip Seymour Hoffman into the category of instantly adds class to any movie he's in. This is a very distinguished talent held by only a select few. (Please note that that the word class can be interchanged with awesomeness.) So far the list is short as these men have already proven themselves worthy.

Morgan Freeman
Christopher Walken
Michael Caine
Alan Rickman
Ed Harris

In fact, these men may be the only reason we see the movie itself (example, did anyone really want to see Balls of Fury if it wasn't for Christopher Walken?) Though not officially nominated, I will closely be watching the careers of Christian Bale, Aaron Eckhart, Robert Downey Jr., and Willem DeFoe (he needs to atone for Spiderman though) and Gary Oldman. You notice how most were in Batman and The Dark Knight? $500 million in domestic box office tickets sales can't lie. (Unless the movie is Titanic. Then $500 million is a filthy liar that needs to shut its filthy mouth.)

Speaking of which, my classy female list is in the works. So far we have Kate Winslet. (Damn you sinking boat movie. You made a fool of me again!)

Celebrity Sighting #10

Taking a cue from, no on in particular, but someone who doesn't sitting idly by while cool events pass her by, I decided that Jim Gaffigan is performing in Reno, and I will go and enjoy seeing him. Besides, it's The Sexy Tour. I have to go.

Armed with a free room at Circus Circus and buffet coupons, I and my significant male friend with whom I share romantic feelings with headed east for some second hand smoke and good laughs. I do admit I worried about paying fifty bucks to hear recycled material. I made sure we had Adam Carolla podcasts to listen to on the way up instead of Jim Gaffigan routines. Then I worried that Carolla would be funnier.

That's my problem. Anxiety that fun will not happen. Or the maximum amount of fun possible that could happen will not be attained. It's a problem I'm working out with my therapist. Seriously, it's a big deal. I went to the bathroom four times before seeing Jeff Ross because I didn't want to miss a minute. I also didn't eat or drink during the show just to be safe. It was a cramped venue and I was sweating all over my boyfriend so I could avoid being arm to arm with the guy on my left. Venue aside, it was a great show. It started in the way his CD did, but it took a turn and I did not stop laughing for an hour and a half. Speaking as a math person, I'd say only 20% of the material was recycled. That's a great percentage for a professional comedian. And you have to do the bits you're famous for.

Overall well worth the distance traveled and money paid. But this is what kills me. After the show there was a line for pictures and autographs. I was tired and I really wanted to just go back to the room and crash. What was wrong with me? My die hard obsession was almost trumped by "I don't don't want to wait in line and freak out about what to say to this guy". I thought back to when I saw Penn & Teller with my friends in Las Vegas. Following their show, I wanted to wait and get a picture with them. My friends didn't want to and we headed back to the hotel. I missed out on what exactly? A cool few minutes with C-list celebrities? But years later I regretted not speaking up.

Lucky for me, my boyfriend was the voice of reason (that is reason in the world of pop culture geeks) and even though he would have gone with me back to the room, he wanted to wait. Since he did, I decided I shouldn't deny him and we waited. (I would do that later in the room.) Over an hour later, it was a brief awkward moment of asking him to sign my ticket and telling him that that I collected them. One picture later, it was over. I look at it now and I don't feel my life is any richer for the experience.

I take that back. I'm proud that I stayed. I have my picture and autograph. I had an amazing weekend and saw a great show. Good times. I guess that's all there is to really say about it. I should go. I suddenly have this craving for a bacon wrapped hot pocket.

Free Entertainment

I provide it but I'm slow. Really slow. Start your own damn blog and you can entertain yourself for long periods of time. Or use mine and have something to read while you're on the crapper (if you have your computer in your bathroom).

So the point is, in this troubling economic time, I can stand to save money by not going to the movies. I wait for the rental. But what do I do to fill the time waiting for the rental? Two words: Hulu, baby.

It's not like having access to a Blockbuster and everything is free like I've read. Instead there are many shows and movies to choose from. But you need to lower your movie standards. Or more importantly, embrace the guilty pleasure. My best example of that is pop some popcorn, turn off your brain and enjoy Weekend at Bernie's.

Actually, Hulu is where I go to make up for those TV shows I shunned when I went through my self-important, I'm not going to waste my time on this show phase. I fought Buffy the Vampire Slayer tooth and nail, but I can no longer deny that it is an amazing show. Well, so far. Anyways, it's a wonderful place to use up your disposable time (assuming you have it. If you have a TV I can assume do.) I highly recommend it, but you should have the warnings I wish I was given:

There are three extremely frustrating aspects to be aware of.

Recent seasons have random episodes. For example, the fourth season of House has episodes 1, 2, 10 (which expires in 4 days) and 13. What the hell? So those who have not watched any of season four can get started, but then can have samples of later episodes? That's no way to go. I like to dive in chronologically, thank you very much.

Secondly, to comment on my earlier parenthesis, some episodes have a note that they expire in x amount of days. It is extremely annoying to watch my entertainment under a deadline. The once a month blog thing it about as stressful as I like to get. So if your episode has an expiration date, hurry man! Go, go, go!

Third and most frustrating, I've recently finished the two posted seasons of Buffy. I know there are five season left. Do I keep going and shell out the money for rentals (or for you Netflix people, the space in the queue), read the synopsis for every other episode, or do I find a new show to get into? Sunny in Philadelphia? Probably best to be cautious and pick shows that are no longer producing new episodes and have all of them released on DVD.

So go, enjoy the legions of free entrainment. Next week, how to syphon gas out of your neighbor's car in the middle of the night. Hey, like I said, troubling economic times.

My List of Five, Version 3.0

I'm planning on seeing Forgetting Sarah Marshall with my friends tomorrow. It's very important that I finish this post before then as my new List of Five includes Jason Segal and this will be the first time I will be confronted with full...uhhh...."view" of one I've deemed ("worthy" is the wrong term, let's go with) yummy enough to be on such an important list.

Yes, I got a good look at him in Knocked Up, but whole picture is a tough one to handle (yes yes, plenty of penis jokes to make here). Again, there are three easy choices and two I'm not 100% on. I have to finalize though because my tastes have changed and if my opportunity comes, I'm not going to miss it because I didn't update my selections.

I have to make note of a special slot (hehehe, dirty) that I will call the Unconventional Choice (formerly held by Kevin James). He's is not People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive material (with the exception of Matt Damon, that usually isn't my type anyways), but the charm outshines the lack of toned abs and chiseled cheekbones, or whatever. Actually, this round's unconventional got lean in the role that made me add him to the list, so shut your noise hole.

So without further defense:
1) Jason Segal
2) Ryan Reynolds
3) Linus Roache
4) Hank Azaria
5) Simon Pegg

Okay, defense is the wrong word. Here's the thought process on the rest of the list.

Ryan Reynolds to me is a very attractive man. Van Wilder was the King of Coolidge for a reason and he did justice to the king. He's stretched his acting chops to do Smokin' Aces (government agent hot), Blade Trinity(action hero hot), and Definitely, Maybe(romantic leading man hot). And now he's in the Wolverine spin-off as Wade Wilson/Deadpool, "a high-tech mercenary known for his wisecracks, black humor, and satirical pop-culture references"(thank you Wikipedia). Do you know how hot that sounds?

Next, in the criminal justice system, there is the revolving door of hot ADAs. Now Sam Waterston is at the top of the Order part. (Wait, is that right? The investigation is the Law part and the prosecuting the Order part? But the cops keep Order and prosecutors uphold the Law. Let's the say the second half of the show.) Anyways we now have and open slot (heheheh, dirty again) for an Executive ADA. They were kind enough to send us Linus Roache. Not many roles under his belt (I'd like to be under his belt as well), but he was Thomas Wayne in Batman Begins. Yes, the Christian Bale version of Bruce Wayne came from that fine stock. At least in the movie world. Shut up, anyone who can fictionally sire Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne is hot.

Now Hank Azaria. Okay, the voice is awesome. Four Emmy Awards, baby. See America's Sweethearts for his live and in person hilariousness (Best part of that movie is any scene in which he is speaking.). To second that motion, see his brief role in Dodgeball as well. See Shattered Glass to watch him go dramatic. And finally, see Along Came Polly to get a fine look at his abs. And I'm done.

As for Simon Pegg, see Hot Fuzz. Yeah, that kind of character, hot to me. And he wrote the script. Hotter to me. Yeah, he's going to be Scotty in Star Trek. Hey, I just made the argument on why I'm braving this Star Trek movie. Unconventional, yes, but as I have eloquently argued on many occasions, shut your noise hole. So that's my final word until a new movie or TV show introduces me to the great male specimen I must have on this very special list.