I must have been doing very well on my diet. Even though it's been around for a while, it is only recently that I noticed the new design on the Burger King fries box and soda cups. There I was at eleven at night (okay, diet is out the window) only a few days ago mesmerized by the "fry pod" design. Then a strange sensation came over me. Why does this make me think of Get Rich or Die Tryin'? I verbalized my concern to my boyfriend and he kindly responded "Uhh....because the fries cost 50 Cent?" Though the response made me chuckle, the issue still pressed.
As it turns out, the answer to that question is twofold. In the late stages of the night, my memory of pop culture deteriorates. I had confused the 2005 movie Get Rich or Die Tryin' that had the story of a guy trying to escape a bad life for himself as a drug dealer and make something of himself as a rapper, featuring Terrance Howard, and Hustle & Flow, the 2005 movie of about Terrance Howard trying to escape a bad life as a pimp and make something of himself as an emcee.
I understand if those who read this are offended by my mixing up the two movies. I, myself get deeply upset at those who mistake Dermot Mulroney and Dylan McDermutt. And don't even talk to me if you can't get straight Nick Nolte and Gary Busey.
The second half of the answer is that the design of the "fry pod" looked like the poster for Hustle & Flow. I pointed this out to my brother and he showed me the signature on the back. The design came from Sean John, P. Diddy's clothing line. I must say that I really have a hard tine associating the music mogul with cheap burgers. But if this happened, perhaps those responsible for the Hustle & Flow posters are also the ones that worked on this Burger King design.
I bet the movie would have tanked if they replaced Terrance Howard with a triple bacon cheeseburger. And why do the fries only get second billing?My research was extensive. I typed "Hustle and Flow poster and Burger King" into Google and crossed my fingers. Nothing came up that would answer my question. Then it suddenly came to me. I don't care all that much. I made the association. I think that's as far as it goes. I suppose I could end with a "It's hard out there for a Burger pimp" comment, but that's not funny. I'll just let the 50 Cent joke provide sufficient smiles for this round.
That's right ladies and gentlemen. Take off your prude caps and listen up. Last night I had the elusive celebrity sex dream.
It started off with me trying to get at Jason Segel. (Since seeing Knocked Up, I've decided he will fill in a place of My List of Five. I haven't yet decided though who he'll replace. After the fall TV season starts, it'll be an easier task. Also, I am currently harboring an awkward crush on Simon Pegg, so we have to work through that before we start editing the list.) It didn't get very far. He was just there and I just wanted to be there with him. In...you know...THAT way. He's hot and actually not very far in age from me. I know I usually like them in their forties, but hey, maybe I'm maturing. (If that makes sense.)
Then for some reason there is a shift in time and it happens. I'm in the same room as Matt Damon. It's strange because I'm aware he's Matt Damon. But there is this thing in the air where I'm in the mind-frame of a teenager with a huge crush on the star quarterback. (Because let's face it, celebrities are just metaphorically the quarterbacks and cheerleaders in the high school of life.) So I have this incredible longing in my chest just to be near him. I loved him. In the way that makes people afraid because we don't want to get hurt by loving someone who does not love us back. (Or at least I don't.) I started to miss that feeling in real life. Not the fear. That is terrifying to live with. The rush you get when you put your heart out there and as it turns out he loves you just as much. That's what happened. He loved me. One of the most important parts of the dream I remember is the first time he reaches his hand out to me. He's afraid too. And I take it. Suddenly there is nothing but happiness. And then comes the sex. 
Just so we're clear, it was the visions that were dancing in my head, not Matt Damon.
All right, I'm not going to lie or embellish. There was implied sex. I know because my clothes were missing at one point. This was actually kind of funny. We have to sneak around because our relationship can't get out to the public. It's like we're in a dorm area or something. Some guy we know comes around to his door and I sneak into his friend's spot and pretend that I'm dating him instead. Yeah, it's Ben Affleck.
Even weirder is there's this one part where we're together and people are coming to meet him. So he goes to head them off so I can make it seem as though we weren't together. I'm left with no car so I just start to walk to wherever it is. Finally this car pulls around with the group. For some reason I see my "brother" (I use quotes because in the dream he's played by Ralph Macchio. I knew that cameo in Entourage would get him back in the spotlight.) in the car and they are all worried. I've been missing and they were out trying to find me. I get into the car and Matt is crying. I guess he was truly scared because he didn't know where I was. Strange, but in the beginnings of a relationship, it's incredibly sweet.
Sadly, I was woken prematurely before the story could progress beyond hiding in Ben Affleck's dorm room. (He did have a girl in there with him, so it made things a little harder to keep up the farce. But that's what friends are for.) This is the part that makes me a little sick though. Yeah, in he celebrity world, privacy is a sacred thing. We didn't want news of our love to get out. But towards the end of my dream I blatantly remember thinking "I hope this doesn't get out to his wife." Stupid reality meshed with my dream. So now I'm a home wrecker. Maybe it was a good time to get out of the dream before my home wrecking ways did some serious damage. Or at least damage with consequences that I had to see. (I want to get one thing straight. I don't believe anything can excuse or justify cheating or affairs. In real life, if I had a chance with Matt Damon, I would never do anything to hurt his family or my own. But in the crazy dream world where rules and being a good person goes out the window, I'd be selfish for the love I had. For all I know, in dream world, she was a whore first. And my boyfriend didn't exist. So stop judging my dream whorishness.)
Now considering I've read the Forbes article, he's on the cover of Entertainment Weekly, and just for a giggle I shout out MATT DAMON a la Team America, it should be no surprise that he appeared in on of my dreams. I like him, I think he ranks high on the awesome meter, but I don't like him that way. Well, that is I didn't until waking up flushed and cursing my job keeping me from continuing my existence as Matt Damon's girl. It's scary because for the rest of the day I felt as if I was blushing. As if everyone at work knew what I had dreamed. And now I have this lingering obsession/crush that rivals the one my niece has on Daniel Radcliffe (Or Harry Potter. It's really hard to tell who she has a thing for.) I hate feeling so childish. But I know that if I give this a couple of days, it'll wear off. I damn the internet that allows me to look up his life story so easily. Dear God, please send me something new to obsess about. Maybe if I watch Stuck on You, it'll die down. Lord knows Greg Kinnear can ruin just about anything. Even Matt Damon.
