Eat It Nicole Ritchie!

It's funny because the title suggests that she needs to get out of the tabloids and have a burger very once in a while. But no, this is not a commentary on her eating disorder (that she denies or may have recently denied denying, but who cares?)

Rather I make reference to my personal adventure on the freeway being stuck for a half hour while the freeway was closed ahead and I had missed the last exit. A fatal accident had me stranded with only rollover minutes to tide me over. Finally after organizing, the highway patrol began to filter us off the freeway by having us make U-turns and directing us back to the last exit. Okay, we weren't direct as much as saw the first car do it with the cop car and then we tried it behind them.

It was awesome, going east on the west bound freeway. I got to do it not under the influence of anything AND I didn't get arrested. See, I may not have her millions of dollars, but I get to have little celebrity-like adventures too. And besides, I would trade the millions of dollars to not be associated with Paris Hilton any day of the week.

The Poor Man's TiVo

Damn you November sweeps! That's right. I went there. I have to say that I had a much easier time when the World Series was going on. That narrowed my religious TV watching down to only three shows: The Office, Grey's Anatomy, and Desperate Housewives. (And that is the order in which I care.) When Fox had this year's games on, I didn't have to worry because House was on reruns. Yeaaa! Don't have to think. That's a big thing with me. But last night I had the unfortunate situation of having Super-Sized Office conflicting with my Grey's. What's a girl to do?

Well, the entertainment powers that be have granted me a solution. ABC offers me the newest episodes on their website for free. This is awesome for when I miss the show, but it sucks for when I want to buy the DVDs when they come out. I will have seen every episode and will have to struggle with my wasting money verses completing my set hankerings. So with this offering, I know to ditch ABC shows in favor of the other networks and then catch up later. The occasional stops and low bandwidth (which I so do not have!) messages are a distraction but I get the episode and I'm good. (Though I can't stand that it doesn't include the scenes from the next episode. It sucks.)

But now that House is back on I have to remember more shows on more nights. What am I supposed to do if I can make it to my picture box and drool at, I mean gaze lovingly at, I mean stare at, I mean watch my favorite pill popping, insult cracking doctor? Well, I have not been blessed with TiVo or any of those fancy schmancy digital recording dealies. Instead I call up my substitute for Hugh Laurie and asking him nicely if he can set his VCR for me.

Not everyone can afford to have one of these damn things, you know! I'm still saving for a pony.
(The photograph is by Redjar and is available under a Creative Commons License.)

Yes, VCRs are still out there and deserve so much more respect than 8-Tracks, Laser Discs, and Beta. I grew up VCRs and taped hours of my favorite shows and have drawers of tapes that I will never watch again, but keep because I may be able to find a VCR with superior auto tracking that will make these tapes watchable again. Or I'll trash them when all of these shows are on DVD. I even used to want to keep recordings of random commercials that I love and SNL skits, but with the invention of YouTube I think I let these things go. If I ever want to watch Janet Reno's Dance Party, that Jungleheiemer Junction skit or those Volkswagen commercials that I thought were awesome, the internet provides me with all my heart's desire (and it has porn too!).

So that's the best I can do until I can afford TiVo. It seems as though if I tried hard enough, I could catch my shows and not need to subscribe to the digital recording world. But I want to hit that point to where I'm making enough money that I can pause live TV. Ahh the power! Until then I'll just have to rely on the VCR timers of others. (Oh and just in case you were wondering, the rich man's TiVo is just having TiVo, but it's programmed by Reginald, your butler.)

Going the Way of Brad Pitt

One might say that because it took an expiring movie pass to finally get my butt out and see a movie warrants the stripping of my title of entertainment junkie. Hell, I would say that. But we must not focus on this so much as this expired pass brought me into a movie that triggered a three hour post viewing discussion and the desire to tell everyone in my line of scope to see it immediately.

Now I am not experienced in the realm of Martin Scorsese. (If I'm not careful, by the end of this post, I'm going to lose my junkie status and get tarred and feathered in the middle of Grauman's Theater.) However, The Departed beckoned to me after the first trailer. How can you resist the concepts of two moles for both sides, inside the opposite sides trying to smoke out the other? Top it off with the stellar casting (the primary cast combined has won four Academy Awards and nominated for seventeen) and I knew I had to see this movie. And I was not disappointed. Like I said three hour discussion and recommendations all around. For the love of all that is holy, give that man an Oscar already. This movie even shot up the IMDB top 250 (it was 48 when I saw it and is as of today 62).

So what does this all have to do with Brad Pitt? A valid question. The Departed marks a very special point in the career of Leonardo DiCaprio. He is one respectable/excellent movie away from Brad Pitt status. Sill needs more explanation?

Leonardo DiCaprio, Martin Scorsese, and Cameron Diaz promoting Gangs of New York at the 2002 Cannes Film Festival. Scorsese and DiCaprio’s most recent collaboration The Departed has resulted in DiCaprio’s one step below Brad Pitt status.
(The photograph is by Rita Molnár and is available under a Creative Commons License.)

First you have to assume Brad Pitt pre Mr. and Mrs. Smith and all that Brangelina stuff. Okay, when I was younger, my sister (and most of the female population) fell for Brad Pitt. He was that guy in Thelma and Louise and Legends of the Fall. I naturally didn't care. Then he was in Se7en. I thought the movie was awesome and was in it for Kevin Spacey and Morgan Freeman (you know, men with serious acting chops and not just washboard stomachs). By the end, I thought okay, he didn't screw it up. Then he was in Snatch and Fight Club. Clap, clap, clap, bravo, this guy isn't messing around anymore. Good job. Finally there was Ocean's Eleven. Damn! How the hell did Brad Pitt get so attractive? Oh right, he is respectable AND good looking now. That makes him ultra-attractive. And then he got involved in this tabloid thingy so now he's lost awesome points. But now you get my point.

The funny thing is George Clooney followed a similar path. Hated him when every woman on earth wanted to have his children. Saw Out of Sight and thought okay, he's not so bad. Saw O Brother Where Art Thou? and thought he's pretty good. By Ocean's Eleven he had won my respect. (But now he can do whatever he wants and his stuff isn't so great so he slipped of a bit on the awesome meter as well. Still has a lot of respect though.) I can't call it the Way of George Clooney though. That implies the TV to movie thing as well. Doesn’t work for what I'm trying to say.

Oh, just to complete my Ocean's Eleven, "when did they get so good looking?" circle. Matt Damon: From pretty boy status from Good Will Hunting (Which I did finally see and agree that it is an excellent and well crafted movie, but I didn't care for the women screaming oh my god, it's Ben and Matt look at them, they're so hot crap.) to hilarious in Dogma, to even more hilarious in that episode of Will & Grace, to attractive in Ocean's Eleven to respected in The Bourne Identity (to a running gag for all of my friends who have seen Team America World Police) to solidifying my respect in The Departed. In fact The Departed earned back the points he lost in Ocean’s Twelve. (That movie was a mess. I'm hoping you'll all make it back into my heart after Ocean's Thirteen. Go the Way of Die Hard, not The Godfather. But that's another post entirely.)

And as long as we are talking about The Departed boys, I must add special mention to Mark Wahlberg. You've come a long way since the Funky Bunch. My friends still crack jokes about that. If fact most recent was last night. But you get to have the last laugh. Though most didn't take you seriously in Boogie Nights, you did good. Three Kings, as well. Planet of the Apes, not so much. Rock Star, bad Mark Wahlberg! (SMACK) That's a very bad Mark Wahlberg. The Italian Job, now you're gaining some momentum. With The Departed, you're getting that respect. But you had me at Entourage.

So where does this leave DiCaprio? Well, he needs one more to solidify the respect. No more pretty boy from Romeo+Juliet and Titanic. Catch Me if You Can, I did enjoy. The Departed has you so close. Blood Diamond could do it, but I may be thrown by your accent and the subject matter. Maybe I'll throw you a bone and see how you did in The Aviator and Gangs of New York. (Oh, almost three hours each?) The Academy has yet to steer me wrong. Except for the whole popularity equals winning politics thing. And almost every best actress category winner for the last ten years. And come on already, give Martin Scorsese and Kate Winslet what they deserve already. Oh and finally settle that Marisa Tomei thing.....

Celebrity Sighting #7

Not much to report and this is actually a repeat sighting. I went to the Orpheum Theater in San Francisco to see Chicago (too many places involved). This particular show stars Mr. Huey Lewis as Billy Flynn. I guess watching the movie Chicago and having a couple songs from the soundtrack kind of messed up my complete enjoyment.

One of the many theatres I passed(but the only one I went into) in San Francisco today.

I was expecting the little details to still be intact but I guess that's just a little naive of me. I felt bad because based on the applause, the people where there for Mr. Lewis. It was a good show, though. Like I said, not much to report.

My List of Five, Version 2.0

It is time. After months and months of struggling and determined to not settle for just some guy to fill in the last spot, I have completed the second version of my list of five. As time goes on, you let go of the connections you have and open yourself up something new. I have to admit, it is mainly exposure. I see these men at least once a week and I love what they do. Ask anyone who has taken Psych 101. I have, so I'll just tell you, proximity breeds attraction. I think the same is true for those constantly on your TV. Okay, no more babbling, here they are (again, not ranked):

1) Hugh Laurie
2) John Krasinski
3) Jeremy Piven
4) Chris Meloni
5) John C. McGinley

So basically they play, in order, sarcastic asshole doctor, sweet paper supply salesman, asshole agent, tough as nails detective, and sarcastic jerk doctor. You may ask what is the difference between asshole doctor and jerk doctor? I don't know, but I had to show a distinction between the two. One saves lives and cracks jokes on a comedy that is at times dramatic and the other saves lives and cracks jokes on a drama that is at times hilarious.

I think the most dramatic addition is John Krasinski. He's only four years older than me as opposed to my average of twenty last list. AND here's the best part: he's not married. So you realize I might actually have a chance? ROCK! I have to say as Jim Halpert on The Office and as himself in interviews, I cannot resist his charm. He makes me feel warm and fuzzy. If you can watch on the show as he pines for Pam and not feel your heart sink, then you have no soul. That's right. I went there.

To those who are no longer on the list: I loved you once and I may love you again. Get back on my TV and you will have a better chance. But for now, I bid you farewell.

DVD Rant: I'm Extra Pissed Edition

I knew it was coming. I posted about it when I first heard the announcement. I wasn't even a victim of this the first time around. But I remain outraged. It could happen again and this time I may not be so lucky.

While many might be pleased that the original (i.e. Greedo doesn't shoot first) theatrical releases of Star Wars are finally available (though only for a limited time of course) on DVD, I remain skeptical. I have this theory that by the time Christmas rolls around, there will be a special double trilogy pack available with even more never before seen footage. You know like pictures of Harrison Ford and Mark Hamill playing rock, paper, scissors to see who has to help Peter Mayhew out of his Chewbacca costume.

You know what else set me off is seeing an advertisement for Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest on DVD. The ad was fine, but it doesn't even come out until freaking December. DECEMBER! Those who want it are going to get it. Four hundred million worth of box office receipts prove that. They don't need an ad three months in advance to remind them that they need to buy it. But two weeks after they sell the DVD, they'll come out with a “Sunken Treasure Edition” with more discs and a special sneak preview of the third one. Then when all three are out, they'll sell the third one and then put together a trilogy package one month later that will include even more special features and little gifts in the packaging. With any luck it’ll include some sand, a lock of Johnny Depp's hair, and what's left of Orlando Bloom's manhood (Oh right, he lost that somewhere in between Troy and Elizabethtown).

I apologize but I'm tired of this release, hook, and re-release thing they have going on. I own some great movies. But apparently I have to go out and get the extra special version that wasn't originally available when I bought the first copy. I know they plan to do this with Kill Bill. Of course Tarantino will have a major set available. That's just his style. But I'm not playing anymore. I got Volumes 1 and 2 for twenty bucks and I'm done. Unless one of the special features involves a rebate of the full purchase price of the DVD, I'm not touching it.

I've been burned many times but even when I finally learned my lesson and waited for the special über editions, I got screwed again. Three films I have: The Professional Uncut International Edition, Robin Hood Price of Thieves Special Extended Edition, and T2 Extreme Edition have all pissed me off. Yes, the extra scenes the directors have put in are interesting, but this new cut is not the movie I watched many times and want to watch again. I have to do it in reverse now, where I need to get the bare bones copies if I ever want to see the cut I want.

When did they get it right? Wedding Crashers. The regular and the unrated (or in this special case Uncorked Edition) came out at the same time. But with Uncorked, I can decide which version I want to watch.

I take that back. Wedding Crashers got it right on the DVD part. But the Uncorked thing bothered me. Here's a note to those in charge of DVD releases. Calling it a "cute reference from the movie" edition is not cool. Pretty in Pink: Everything's Duckie Edition, not cool. Tommy Boy: Holy Scknikes Edition, funny, but not cool. Grease: Rockin’ Rydell Edition, NOT COOL. This one even came with its own jacket. But you have your choice of jackets. Now it's not even about the movie anymore.

So yes, I am outraged. And I know this will happen again and again. But don't worry. I'm not going to copy and paste this rant, add some paragraphs and post it again in six months calling it something new. There no cash in it for me. Even if there was, you deserve better.

An Ethical Dilema

When I first heard about it I thought it was a great creative idea. A film that lasts one second and the rest is credits. Hang on, there’s more. The credits consist of names of people who donated money to the making of the film (and which the proceeds go to charity). I think it's cool to have the chance to be apart of Hollywood even though I'm just a small town girl who will never live her movie star dreams (Especially the one with me in the hot tub with....oh, uh, never mind).

Now here was the best part of all. Those who are given producer credits can get their name on imdb. So I finally have my chance. I recently started a list of 100 (though I'm only up to 64 at the moment) things I want to accomplish before I die (my boyfriend thinks I'm morbid). The second thing on the list was to get a credit on imdb. (I always though I'd have to settle for miscellaneous crew under "Thanks" or something. I knew it would involve giving money or something, not being in the movie itself. I do, however have “be an extra in a film” as number one so I will make my mark eventually. Probably as Girl #3.)

I thought cool, I can finally get my name on imdb. And I can use the free link they provide on the 1 Second Film website to go straight to my web log. But then here's the problem. I want my real name to go on imdb. But this site is powered by my alter ego Angela Simmons. I don't want those worlds to collide. I thought perhaps I could buy two credits and give one to Angie. But them I stepped right in to my ethical dilemma. (For those of you nitpicking, yes, I’m speaking as me and not Angie right now but I’m having a dilemma, so bite me.)

I look to imdb for information and I don't want to soil it just so I can get my alternate ego some advertising. I know there are others out there who would just tell me to do it and stop complaining. (Charlie Kaufman's fictional twin brother Donald is credited on the site after all). But I know in my heart it's not the right thing to do.

The 1 Second Film includes celebrity producers such as Stephen Colbert, James Cromwell, Kevin Bacon, Christina Ricci, B.J. Novak, and many more. Copyright www.the1secondfilm.com

I know I'll come up with a solution eventually, but for the time being I think I should at least give some more web advertising to the people helping me fulfill my movie dreams. (Click on the picture to go their site.) Now if only someone would help me with that hot tub dream......

The Oh Yeah Phenomenon

Quick! Without cheating, name me three movies Sharon Stone has starred in. And you can only use movies with the words “basic” and “instinct” in it once.

It occurred to me that as much as I tried to jog my memory, I couldn’t do this. I looked her up and then it came flooding back to me. (But in all fairness, she hadn’t been in very many GOOD movies.) Sharon Stone is one of those people. Actors who you know by name but you couldn't name three movies they've been in. Donald Sutherland, Kyra Sedgwick, Dennis Quaid, Vincent D'Onofrio are a few more that spring to mind. Do you even realize that in 2004 Dennis Quaid was in four movies? These where bigger than normal movies and he had top billing. I guess the real problem is that after a year or so, no one remembers the movie and they really don't remember people in it. So in our heads the question eventually becomes, what HAS Dennis Quaid done lately? (At least for the movie geek at heart.)

Sure, she's pretty hot (and not just for someone her age), but what the hell has she been in?
(The photograph of Sharon Stone is by Rita Molnár and is available under a Creative Commons License.)

I’m calling this situation the “oh yeah” phenomenon. The “oh yeah” comes from having the information in front of you and finally remembering what you forgot. Without realizing it, it's popped out of your mouth. Like when my boyfriend somehow forgot Clive Owen was in the movie Sin City. (Especially since he's his favorite character in the movie.)

Part of this phenomenon is you forget the obvious movies people were and in and search the back of your mind for some obscure cameo they were in. The other day I was watching The Princess Bride with my mother and she kept saying over and over again that she recognized Buttercup from some movie but just couldn't remember it. I started to spout off some movies like Message in a Bottle, She's So Lovely, White Oleander but none rang a bell for her. Finally after crying uncle I looked her up. Remember that really popular Tom Hanks movie made about ten years ago that grossed like half a billion dollars (back when that was still impressive) and won a boat load of Academy Awards? Yeah I forgot that she was in that too.

I have found that the most likely candidate that causes this phenomenon has found their niche in other forms of Hollywood, but has also been in movies. Some have found their place in TV or doing voice over work. In general their movie spots just don't click.

Forget the obvious people where the name is bigger than the film: The Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, and that Clooney guy. This might work in the opposite sense. You know the name but can’t remember what they were in that made them so famous. Or you get flustered by the number of movies they were in and then don’t know where to start and draw a blank.

And forget about the actors that I mention that you only pretend to know who I mean and then scramble to imdb to find out who they are. Example: Alan Rickman, Alan Ruck, Alan Tyduk, or Alan Cummings (sense a theme going on?).

Some people you can instantly associate with a movie. Example: Jessica Simpson and The Dukes of Hazzard and Robert Patrick from T2. Let's face it, Harrison Ford is Harrison Ford, but Mark Hamill has a few more blockbusters to make before he sheds that whole Luke Skywalker thing. I do, however, give him extra points for being the voice of the Joker in the Batman cartoons.

These three examples do not count as part of this phenomenon. Don’t be fooled.

Don’t believe me? Just as a test: Name me three movies with Julianne Moore. When you’ve given up click here and scan the page. It may not come out of your mouth, but when you have that “oh yeah” moment, then you’ll know I’m not as crazy as I sound.

A Thank You to Advertisers

Well this is not to all of them. Especially not to those who came up with those Applebee's commercials with the two guys with guitars singing about salads and ribs to what was once enjoyable music. Or even before when they were no guys but the same butchering of good tunes with new food appropriate lyrics. Don't even get me started on that Kraft cheese one with the crumbled cheese being introduced as "crumbelievable".

No, this declaration of gratitude is to those ad men and women who decided to put the name of the song and the artist in the bottom corner of their commercials. Now I know in general it's a brilliant move to not only promote the product, but to spark (or in some cases renew) the public's interest in the song. But for me, it's time I don't have to spend on the internet trying to figure out what the hell that song was.

Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. You listen for lyrical cues to type into google and pray you get a hit. Most of the time I have to scan message boards with no search options and recheck to see if what one person claims to be the song is actually right. Anyone who has watched an iPod commercial has done it and knows my frustration. To spare a few of you still looking, try Adtunes. They have a search engine and a lot of people have commented on the more popular and recent commercials.

For you hard core trailer watching types who have been searching for classical and instrumentals, I think a good starting point is Soundtracknet:Trailers. I'm weird and looked long and hard for the music from the movie trailers Unfaithful and Vanity Fair (that eventually became the theme to the TV show Cold Case). This site guided me to the song "Nara" by E.S. Posthumous. And if you want some good background music playing while you're hatching some diabolical scheme, listen to their song "Elba". So good.

It sounds like a bit much for trailer and TV music but trust me, there was a huge response to the music from the Spiderman 2 trailer ("Lacrimosa" by Immediate Music, another amazing source for trailer music). And I know I'm not the only one that loved the music from the Volkswagen commercials that came out about eight years ago. (The ones that stick out in my head: Sunday Afternoon featuring Trio’s "Da Da Da"; Synchronicity featuring a just getting started Sarah Clarke and Master Cylinder’s "Jung at Heart"; and Crazy Guys featuring Tony (Arrested Development’s Buster Bluth) Hale and Styx’s "Mr. Roboto". Feel free to blast me if I left out your favorite because I know I missed many.) And wasn’t it a Gap commercial that renewed the swing dance craze?

So the next time you hear a catchy tune on TV or in a movie and spend the next few months wondering what the hell it was, you'll understand why I'm offering my thanks to that little artist blurb in the corner. Now if only I could figure out that music from the TV spots of You, Me, and Dupree. (No, not "Stuck in the Middle" by Stealer's Wheel.) It's an instrumental tune that was also used in the trailer for the movie Dave. So anyone one want to help me out? There a gratitude post on this site in it for you. You tell me that's not tempting.

Celebrity Sighting #5-6

A thousand apologies as these happened a while ago. I have no excuses. I just am a procrastinator. On May 5th, I had my first experience going to a live taping of a TV show. I was in the audience of The Tonight Show. So a blur of my head or possibly my jacket was on TV. YES! That means I have roughly fourteen minutes, fifty-nine and a half seconds of fame left. The guests included Denis Leary, Bob Uecker (which was awesome) and Dem Franchize Boys. For musical people (I wouldn't call them musicians or singers so much as a bunch of guys with microphones) they weren't terrible. But I only had to listen to them for a few minutes. Too damn loud though. I also got to see how they warm up the crowd before they tape. My boyfriend's sister got to go up to the stage and take a picture with Jay Leno so that was kind of cool.

The major thing I learned during this experience: as fun as it is to watch the show at home, there are so many people behind the scenes that put the show together. Too bad the glory is isolated to the guy who hosts. I tried to make small talk with the people ushering us in. I saw the ties they were wearing and asked if they were for sale. (Sadly it's not, but I got a shot of it.)

And on one of my frequent trips to the bathroom, I made a joke with two of the security people. I told them to remember my face and made a mime like gesture around my head to help them remember. The guard I walked out with said it would be hard to forget it and he did the same gesture. I made him smile so I think I did good.

Now for my 6th sighting I was with my mom, aunt, uncle, and cousin at John Ascuaga's Nugget. (For frequent visitors, it's just called the Nugget.) This was Sunday, May 28th. In an effort to not go to the ATM and lose more money playing the slots, my aunt got us (comped) tickets to see Delbert McClinton. Yeah, I had never heard of the man. But I have to say that it was a good thing. He was great. Don't know his music but I get the feeling that if I had, it would have bothered me because I enjoy hearing music as it was recorded. It was a sold out show and we got great seats, though t was a tight squeeze for the five of us. Good music but again, really loud. There was an encore and all that stuff. My experience with concerts is very limited. My dad took me and my sister to see New Kids on the Block when I was like eight. (It's surprising how humiliating it was to admit that right now.) Good concert and when I get my hearing back it will be an overall good time. Here's the kicker though. After the show room cleared out I saw the guitar player walking through the casino. I ran to catch up with him, effectively freaking out my cousin who was panicked because she thought I was running for her. I caught up to him near the slot machines and told him I really enjoyed the show and he did a great job. He smiled and thanked me. I know it's weird, but I live for moments like that.

So that was me catching up my experiences two months later. Hopefully I will get with the program sometime soon. For now, if I post once a month, I'll be happy.

The End of Season Finale Season

It was a wonderful feeling I had last night. I got into bed at 9:15 PM and without a care in the world passed out. I haven't had that luxury on a Sunday night for a long time. What occurred to me is that I can relax and not be a slave to my television.

I have to say that the last few weeks have been especially brutal for me (or anyone who does not own TiVo). I found myself making notes of which season finales and series finales I would be watching. Ordinarily I have myself making a commitment to only Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy (which fortunately were on in one sitting, but now I'll be screwed when Grey moves to Thursdays next season). But at this time of year, I'd rather see the episodes than read about them in Entertainment Weekly.

Even though I failed to watch these shows regularly I found that I had to see the last of Malcolm in the Middle, That '70s Show and Will & Grace. With each episode I felt a sadness not because of the plotlines, but the fact that I was in high school when these shows started. And I remember watching these shows when then started. I guess it just makes me feel seasoned. I have to say though that I was touched by the ending of Malcolm in the Middle. And I agree with Lois even though she is as harsh as she is. There is more to be gained from working your way to the top than having everything handed to you. As for That '70s Show, I guess from the last episode that home is where the heart is? Or was it how you should stick with the tight knit group you always have? I guess it works in the '70s.

Okay, I have to admit that by the time the fifth season of Will & Grace rolled around, I wasn't watching at all. Personally I think the show peaked with the episode A Chorus Lie with Matt Damon. I have to say though that it's hard to be sad that this show is ending because syndication is bloated with its episodes. I swear at 11PM it is on three different channels. (It might work as a variation of the Caine/Hackman theory from PCU. At any time, 24 hours a day you can find a Gene Hackman or Michael Caine movie on. Only for this it might be the Will & Grace/Law & Order theory.) The finale was sweet but a bit forced on the “they're meant to be together” idea. I guess I'm glad it was done in a way that did not require them to sacrifice there quests for true love. Then again I felt it was all a bit hokey. Though the dose of reality of people aren't friends forever was refreshing. Then again I watch TV to escape from harsh realities. I guess in the end, I laughed enough, I was touched, thanks for the memories.

So for the shows that will be back next fall I admit that the second season of Desperate Housewives did not have me enthralled. If anything I was relieved to finally be done with caring. With Grey's Anatomy, I'm happy that I'm not left wondering about next season for the length of the summer. As it turns out the only cliff hanging I'm really wondering about is Burke. I doubt he'll be off the show, but what exactly are they going to do with him? He better not become an ass. Speaking of doctors who are asses, after watching the finale of House I remembered why I like the show, but do not watch it very much. I love Hugh Laurie and I must admit I have a thing for surly doctors on TV, but the show tends to show more medical stuff than I care to watch. Those of you who saw the finale will probably agree with me that the show is superb, but watching a guy's eye pop out of his head and hang from the socket is a bit much. It became too much when the guy's testicle exploded. I don't even have a set, but I was in pain watching that.

For my comedies, I found myself watching My Name is Earl. I don't even like that show but I watched it just to make sure that I didn't miss The Office. I love Jim. I love Pam. I love Jim and Pam. After what I saw this last episode I have to agree what I read in EW: DO NOT SCREW THIS UP! Finally there's Scrubs. Still on. According to its official website, it will still be on next year. That's all that matters. Back to my surly doctors bit, I love Cox and Jordan. In real life, I wouldn't, but how can you not love their dynamic? I can't wait to be like that.

In the end, it was a pretty decent finale season. I promised myself that I wouldn't get sucked into the summer programming bonanza and get out and life my own life. Then again, it is maybe there's a sale on TiVos this week. Then I can have my cake and watch it too.

Preserving Your Memories Through Entertainment Media

I remember it as if it were yesterday. George Lucas destroying my childhood by announcing that only the new digitally enhanced versions of the Star Wars trilogy would be available on DVD. (Okay the man did not destroy my childhood, but he did selfishly decide to withhold the old versions because his artistic vision was the second version and that's what we should be forced to enjoy.) When they first came out, I refused to watch the new ones because they were not what I would quote with my father back and forth at the dinner table when I was eight years old. Greedo shooting first? Jabba the Hutt in the first one? Who cares about a more realistic futuristic background? I want my Star Wars.

When I was younger, I found an old Star Wars VHS early 90's re-release in the bargain bin at Blockbuster. It completed my copies of The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi that I had recorded off of USA so long ago. (You wouldn't turn in a child who doesn't understand the concept of copyrighted materials would you? I just wanted to be a Jedi.) Who would have thought that with $4.99 and two blank tapes I was helping preserve my childhood memories? My three year old niece had dug them out recently and she constantly has them playing over and over again. Or at least did before my sister bought her Carebears DVDs. I think we are determined to make these children live the 80's as we did. (Or at least they lived in the 80's while I was born then but watched all of their stuff. Hehehe, ALF.)

Thinking about Star Wars and all those other movies I watched repeatedly until my parent wanted to curse the man who invented VCRs, I got nostalgic about old movies I loved. I started to find them at Best Buy and without even thinking (or even renting them again) I bought them. I wanted them because I remember enjoying them. But what you loved at eight or even twelve may not translate well by the time you can drink and play craps (hopefully not at the same time).

I tried to ignore the general feeling that these movies weren't all that great. I know most were guilty pleasures, but for some reason, The Cutting Edge wasn't as great as I remember. When I watched Dirty Dancing for the first time in like a decade, I was stunned. I understand why my parents didn't bother to explain everything in specifics. Penny was sick okay I remember that...wait, that was an abortion? Holy crap! So I was picking up on things that were more adult or realized the writing and acting aren't so great. Or both.

It happened with Little Giants (shut up), Ace Ventura (admit you loved it), While You Were Sleeping (again shut up) and Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death (I can't tell you to shut up here because I've rendered you speechless). I know now these are all stupid movies that I loved for no reason. Or didn't know better.

So what if this happens with Star Wars? What if it's true what my friends have been telling me? What if Luke was as much of I whiner as Jake Lloyd was? What if I start to root for Darth Vader to kill him like I prayed for the death of Jar-Jar all those times? What if I want to strangle Yoda because he speaks more annoyingly than that little guy in Twin Peaks? And then I realized that in order to save my love of Star Wars completely, I would have to do the unthinkable: never watch it again. I think for the sake of preserving the happy childhood memories I'll make this sacrifice.

So what has hard core Star Wars fans buzzing lately? Apparently George Lucas has announced that they WILL be releasing the original versions but in a package that forces you to buy all of them. So I have to buy the crappy versions I don't want in order to get the original versions I will not watch. What about all those people that caved and bought the trilogy back then? They have to shell out even more for something they already own. I guess Lucas has no more space stories to tell because he's using his creative power to screw over all his fans. I have to say though that as far as profits are concerned, the man is brilliant. Evil, but brilliant.

Celebrity Sighting #4

And now for a little honesty. I didn't want to cram this thing full of celebrity sighting after celebrity sighting because I keep forgetting to write in this damn thing. I did the laugh tracks post as a spacing between the January- March sightings I've been to lazy to post and this one. The funny thing is I am anticipating another sighting (no, I'm not stalker, I have tickets to a show) and now I have to put up another thought provoking post before I do more "look who I saw" ramblings.

I write this the night before (or more accurately the morning of) my second trip to Tahoe in two weeks. That's right. I was in Tahoe not more than twelve days ago and I'm going back. Yes, I am a gambling junkie. We all have our vices. Mine involves the rush of splitting aces and lining up five wilds on the screen in front of me. So before I kick off another fun fest, I have to get this story down. My dad was kind enough to give me vouchers for a free night's stay at Harrah’s or Harvey's and free show tickets. Opting not to see the musical review, I get to go to the Improv. I hate that my years of watching bad comedians created a bit of skepticism in me. All of my favorites have become actors, or at least got their own shows and don't bother anymore.

I guess this was one of those good times I can say that I was gravely mistaken. Having pretty decent seats (I can't complain because they were free) but being incredibly exhausted from the horrible previous night's sleep, we watched as our host Howie Nave came on stage. The man rocks hard. Totally funny and he breaks out his guitar and does this awesome bit on how he crashed a Los Lobos concert and opened for them. He does this fantastic version of La Bamba that I promise will be sung the next time my family is together for a holiday. I even told him that after the show and he laughed with me. (My family has a long standing connection to the movie La Bamba so this story is going to kill come Thanksgiving.)

Next was David Gee. The way it's set up, he's the featured act, so he wasn't on for that long. I felt bad because there was this bit he did where he's talking to his brother on the phone. "He calls me up and he says to me, "Steve......" Only my boyfriend and I were laughing. At that point he says,"..because my name is David." By then people laughed and it caught on when he did it again with a story about his girlfriend. He was really good and did this killer Nicholson impression at the end. Short time on stage, but great stuff.

Here was the kicker. The headliner for the night was Wendy Liebman. For those sad sheltered "didn't watch Comedy Central and stand-up shows on after Saturday Night Live" childhoods, she's a very talented comedian with a flair for quick sarcasm. She incorporated this into her act but the half of the showroom I was on was busting up with laughter while the other side didn't really respond. I think it was her style was more appealing to the college age set. This was a Tuesday in the middle of April so it was mostly the dinner at 4:30 crowd. The two girls sitting next to us were in college (Go to Fresno State actually, as we found out when they did one of those random "anyone in the audience in college?" things. I had to stop myself from responding. I'm out damn it!)

This is what made me laugh. I was excited to see her because I liked her when I was younger. Unfortunately, I know her from the show Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist. This was a great show on Comedy Central that had Jon Stewart, Ray Romano, Denis Leary, (all before they hit it big with their shows) and a whole bunch of other comedians in as patients and using their bits for therapy sessions. (A lot of stuff comedians use lately is observational humor, so the format really worked.) Did I forget to mention that this was an animated show? So I know her voice and her stand-up, but I only know her as a cartoon. When we first got there, I thought I saw her come in. It could have been her, but then the person walks over and sits down three seats away from me (one of the Fresno girls). I included a shot of her on the show that I've graciously swiped from the website "The Many Faces of Dr. Katz" (http://www.sassman.com/katz/liebman.html).

So the show ends and I decide I want to hang around and catch a glimpse of the performers. It wasn't like in Vegas were I had to scramble to see Penn and Teller or The Amazing Jonathan after the show. It was practically empty by the time they came out. Davis Gee was out first and he zipped through with some people that he apparently knew who came to the show. Howie was out second. It was after he came out that I realized that I was carrying my small gambling purse containing only cash, my ID, and my comp card. That is to say my purse with my notebook and a pen were in the room. Son of a bitch, I have nothing for them to sign an autograph with! So I go hunting for one at the Hard Rock Cafe, but the hostess girl was on the phone away from the podium thing, and I didn't want to interrupt her or steal while she wasn’t looking. I was taught never to steal. So I run back to the box office and look for a pen and do see one but it's closed off. So as I walk back I see Howie and make eye contact. It's at that point I just go for it.

I walk up and tell him it's was a fantastic show. He smiles. Like I said earlier, I told him the La Bamba thing will have my family rolling. I also told him I was looking for a pen so I could get an autograph and he laughed it off like it was nothing. Yeah that's easy for him to say. I really wanted it. Here's the coolest part. We are about to part ways, I tell him again how great the show was and he gives me a hug. AWESOME!

After riding that high I see Wendy has finally come out (I love how cocky I've become that I'm just referring to them on a first name basis. It's not like we've gotten together and barbequed or something......yet.) I go up and do the same thing, tell her it was a great show. (Going back to the having something to say to the famous person thing, I was prepared this time.) I told her, not that I was making a reference to how old she was or anything, but I used to quote her in high school. Then I told her that I wanted to get an autograph but couldn't find a pen. She said she might have one. ROCK! Turns out she had a Sharpie. (EVEN BETTER!) I give her my ticket and as she's signing it I told her how I thought the college girl who was sitting three seats away might have been her because I only know her in animated for. She laughed at that and said, "Dr Katz?" Nothing inflates my ego more than making famous people laugh (in a good way, not at me). So I step aside realizing I was rude for watching her sign my ticket. Realizing this after she covers it with her hand like my third grade teacher taught me to keep the other students from cheating off me. She asks me what I do and I proudly responded that I'm unemployed. I did recover by telling her I was study for actuarial exams and she told me her dad worked in insurance. She stood up, handed me the ticket and gave me a hug (AWESOME AGAIN!). When I read what she wrote to me, I don't know if I actually turned red, but I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks. Well, you can see for yourself.

Sleep deprived or not, this was one of the greatest nights ever.

Laugh Tracks Just Aren't Funny Anymore

You're probably asking yourself what did I do to deserve this bounty. Two posts in the same week? You're not dreaming my friend. I have lots to say but my fingers are too slow to get it all down. Also I've been sleepy and a little sick. But when you're unemployed and have vast amounts of thoughts to share (translation: have crap to complain or rant about) the fruits are plenty.

I'm not sure if you're familiar with a little show called Sports Night. A wonderful show just by itself, but is more likely know as the show of (name of person) before they did (name of more popular show). I'll give you an example: Felicity Huffman's (though I love the actress in general) annoyed me as Dana Whitaker on the show before annoying me slightly less on Desperate Housewives. I swear I like the actress and her work, but I usually see her as a domineering mess of a character who should be a lot nicer to the men in her life. (P.S. Also love her husband William H. Macy. As far as I'm concerned, whatever role he takes is made better because of him.) Peter Krause was wonderful as Casey McCall (whose supposed to be a loose version of Craig Kilborn) before doing Six Feet Under. Even in the background you had Brenda Strong and Lisa Edelstein playing reoccurring roles on this show before they became Mary Alice Young, the voice of the Desperate Housewives and Dr. Lisa Cuddy on House, respectively. Sports Night was the critical gem of Aaron Sorkin before he hit awards and ratings gold with The West Wing. Josh Charles must be mentioned as Dan Rydell. Not so much because he's hit it big, but you always remember one of your junior high school crushes. He was on the original draft of my list of five. But when he stopped appearing regularly on my TV, I had to let him go. Where am I going with this?

During its first year the show had a laugh track. Or I assume that there was. I imagine it was a studio audience because it sounded like some were laughing but not everyone got it. It's possible some gaps were filled in with canned laughter at the less obviously funny places. But by the second (and sadly last) season, they realize they needed to let the audience figure out what's funny on their own. I have to say on first viewing I was not impressed. But after Comedy Central picked up the reruns I had tapes ready to record it. You watch it again and realize so much thought has gone into each bit. This is hilarious. How did I miss that before?

I saw this happen again with Arrested Development. I remember watching the episode "Bringing Up Buster" and thinking the show was stupid. What was everyone talking about? Then a marathon on FX helped me realize how much this show rocks. I thought maybe it lost it's footing in the second season, but then I knew what was going on. There is a certain strategy involved in truly appreciating this type of show. It's funnier the second time around. Because by then you're really paying attention and aren't distracted by keeping up with that silly plot thing. It has its blatantly obvious humor and its wait, rewind that, did I he just say what I think he did? humor.

[For those of you remotely curious I recommend you rent these shows and watch my personal favorite episodes "The Cut Man Cometh" for Sports Night (Season 2) and "Pier Pressure" for Arrested Development (Season 1). Watch it all if you can but make sure you see these ones if you just don't have the time.]

Seeing a show without a laugh track is more common now given the huge popularity of shows like Sex and the City, Malcolm in the Middle, Scrubs, The Office, and Arrested Development. (Okay I put that last in there because I adore that show and I remain sad that it had a Sports Night fate. But they both will live forever in my heart and on DVD.) It got compounded by animated shows like The Simpsons, South Park, and Family Guy. I just wouldn’t make any sense for a laugh track to be in any of these shows. Now that I think about it, I find that even the dramas I love (specifically Law and Order (and it's various offspring), House, Grey's Anatomy, ect.) have great jokes and moments to laugh at. I'm perfectly comfortable laughing even though there are no sounds to prompt me.

I hadn't realized how much I had adapted to shows without laugh tracks until I finally picked up the third season of Newsradio. I would spend hours reading quotes off of imdb and chuckle to myself. I could imagine Phil Hartman, Dave Foley and Stephen Root delivering these lines. So when I finally saw the episodes again, something was wrong. It felt unfunny. It felt like forced humor. I couldn't stand it. The laugh track was really distracting. Wait, that line wasn't that funny, why is the laughter so loud? Now suddenly I notice it everywhere. I find I can't watch old episodes of Friends anymore. That really sucks for someone who owns the entire series. I'd like to think that perhaps the series is just dated and my sense of humor has grown (yeah right) and has become more sophisticated (hehehe, monkey), but the truth is I was watching an old episode of Cheers and I felt right at home.

I remember driving home one day and hearing on the radio a promo for the evening's episode of Two and a Half Men. Even for the commercials the laugh tracks would come on and I would think of how bad it was. Not to mention the joke wasn't even all that funny. Stop laughing.

This doesn't mean that shows with laugh tracks (I have to admit they are a dying breed) can't be funny. But with this rush of copycats of popular crime shows, reality TV, and prime time games shows, I doubt someone will come along and bother to waste time creating a scripted comedy when there is so much popularity to capitalize on. I get the feeling the laugh track sitcoms are going to die with Joey. And yet somehow Yes, Dear will make it to its 200th episode (cue audience laughing).

Celebrity Sightings # 2-3

I must apologize to my fan out there (no that's not a typo, you read it correctly). I could claim that I have been swamped with this crazy roller coaster we call life, but then I don't want to lie to my fan. The truth is I just plain forget. Yes, I have tons to say, but it only comes out in small bursts. That's the only way it'll be really good. For the time being I'll give you this morsel and then return to my cynical yet hilarious observations. (that also is not a typo, I wrote hilarious on purpose)

And now for the second apology in this post. If I had been keeping up I would have posted this when they happened but even the most recent ones are bit far away. But this time I get to include a visual. Neat, huh?

It was a rainy day in January. (The 28th to be specific.) I along with two companions sloshed our way into a bookstore in a horrible city that will remain nameless. We can't make it to the second story of the building because it overflows with fans who were able to leave an hour earlier. Instead we were closed off from the stage, but the voice was loud and clear. Dave Barry had a new book to hock and we were among the sheep there ready to spend three times more money on a book we might not even read, but who cares, it's signed by the author. I had a backup plan. The one I bought was meant for my dad. I personally would never spend that much on a book. Not when there's used books stores and video rental type places that specialize in books. But as a gift, no amount is too much for my daddy.

We stood and listened to him reading excerpts from his book. It was good to hear it as it's meant to be read. That way it's as funny as he meant it to be. Or something. So after the reading is over and a vast majority of everyone else got their books signed, we went upstairs. I still am not sure why, but it's nerve-racking for me to come up with something clever if I ever get the chance to talk to a famous person. I found myself practicing in my head. It's kind of like when you meet the significant other's parents or best friend for the first time. Only this is more important. They can help me launch my career in entertainment if I don't blow it. I can handle the awkward holidays for the next fifty years, but this is a story I'll tell my children.

"Mom, why does Grandma leave every time we come over to Aunt Sarah's for Christmas?"
"Not now honey, I'm telling your brother the story of how Dana Carvey did the Sting dance just for mommy."(true story)

So it finally comes to me. I had met Harry Anderson many years ago. When I say met, I mean was in an elevator with and froze when he asked me what floor I was going to. My dad was there to answer. He also didn't realize who we were just standing next to. So when I get to the front of the line, I tell him that I got to meet his TV counter-part. He said that was cool and that how Harry Anderson was such a nice guy. I told him I was too star struck to really say anything to him, and he told me that if I had said anything, he would have been a nice guy. I believe him. We took a picture together and parted ways. (The picture in question can be seen below. The faces have been digitally altered to protect the innocent, but I the giant blue font tells it all.) I doubt I made a huge impression but I'll let your know if some agency wants to sign me because they heard from Dave Barry about my rapist wit (Dumb and Dumber fans will be laughing here).

So Dave Barry is sighting # 2. Number 3 is a pushing it for an entertainment web log. He is a celebrity and has been in a few commercials. I guess you could consider the Super Bowl to be entertaining. I know it's one of the most watched events during the year and all, but I think more people focus on accidental boob sightings instead of gridiron glory.

In any case, I'm sitting on a plane with my dad in Salt Lake City about to take off for Arizona. We've just enjoyed two cold days in Denver and it was now time to enjoy the 85 degree heat that Scottsdale has to offer. I look up at the guy who I assumed was holding up takeoff because everyone else was on the damn plane already. Why are you taking your sweet ass time? I laugh with my dad because we hade been making fun of people with those ear clip phones. We said we should be walking around with a pencil behind our ears and just start talking into it. Five bucks says no one would question it in an airport. (That's what my dad and I do in airports to pass the time. We make fun of the newest technology. The last time the big thing was palm pilots so I told him I would buy him a calculator with the giant buttons and a magic marker. Before that we couldn't figure out why people stand next to the payphones while they talked on their cell phone. I just assume being next to a payphone get you better reception.)

So this guy walks in with the phone clipped on one ear and a pen in the other. It's was amusing. So I watch him put his cup of coffee (or what I assumed was coffee) into the over head compartment and was hoping that 1) he remembers to take it back out again and 2) that wasn't where I put my stuff in case it gets knocked over in the time he takes off his jacket and sits down. After a few minutes after he sits down I see he's talking to the guy in the seat behind him. Wait they didn't come together. And he's signing a card. Weird. I was just a little annoyed and not paying attention at the time because on the flight from Denver to Salt Lake City a mother asked to switch places with my Dad so she could sit with her little girl. The girl was crying, fussy, and decided to use my arm as a headrest for half of the flight. There's only so far you can inch over before you have no where else to go. She kept touching me with her feet. Yes, I sound like a child, but the mother should have kept her kid off me. That's just basic public etiquette.

I was just happy to be leaving Salt Lake City because the child population seemed to be three times the population in Denver. Well, it was Mormon country after all. Wait, Mormons. Was that Steve Young? I was sitting in 15F and he was in 16B. It was hard to tell being across the way and all but it could be. I mentioned it to my dad and he had the same thought I did: What was he doing in coach? But he got on the plane last so that was something of a perk. I had to find out.

Do I ask him or is that rude? It didn't matter because he was off the plane and had all carry ons so he bolted out. I hate living with questions, so I decided to ask the guy sitting behind him. While we were getting our luggage I asked and he said it was him. Problem solved. I did take pictures of the Grand Canyon on that flight. Now I can say and if this shot was taken 180 degrees in the other direction, you would see Steve Young. (For the sake of the dignity of this web log, I'll will not include the picture on this post.)

I idolized Steve Young when I was in the sixth grade. Now he's just the guy in those car commercials. But nonetheless, he is celebrity sighting #3. Oh, when I told my boyfriend, I asked him to guess which famous Mormon was on my flight. After guessing Brigham Young, he got it right.

Oscars: Interrupting My Regularly Scheduled Programming

If you were to look at articles about the Oscars, many have mentioned how more and more people are just not watching them. A lot of pressure was put on Jon Stewart (and first time host Chris Rock before him) to not only not pull a Letterman, but to draw in the crowds. I have to defend the wonderful Mr. Stewart. The burden should not be on his shoulders. He brings in the audience for The Daily Show, something he has some control over. Now if he gets to write some of his jokes and things for the Oscars, then good for him, but it's not his fault that for some reason the damn thing drags on for hours and hours. I think the people who really enjoy the show are the ones that have a little gold man to put on their shelf when the evening is over. It's a big party that celebrities get to have and there happens to be cameras there. Why can't we just enjoy the movies that are being honored instead of the show to honor them?

I can offer up my excuses for not watching the Oscars. To be honest, why watch them when I can just read about it after they're over? Tonight I held open a screen on imdb that kept updating the winners. Ever five minutes or so I just hit refresh and BAM! I knew George Clooney won for best supporting actor. BAM! Rachel Weisz for The Constant Gardener. Not to be mean or anything but this is a lot easier and I don't have to sit through those really bad acceptance speeches. In addition to the constant updates, I have Entertainment Weekly (as well as every other publication on earth) predicting the winners. I use EW because they have a pretty good track record for predicting these things. They were pretty much right on the money for the big contenders. Finally, I have to agree with the most recent article I read (which may or may not be from my local paper, I can't remember): the Oscars are pretty much a big popularity contest.

I plan to write about this again some time in more dept but Hollywood is just a big high school. I was really rooting for Paul Giamatti, Catherine Keener, and Felicity Huffman (Kudos to Philip Seymour Hoffman though, he's been that guy behind the famous guys for long enough). But that's has nothing to do with their performances. I just wanted the popularity vote to somehow be overridden. All the other years the best actress went to the one who could transform themselves into unattractive characters. Now the one time I wanted that rule to take affect, it gets cancelled out by Reese Witherspoon. Come on. I don't care how cute or likable people think she is. I actually tuned in to see who won best actress and I heard her rambling about her character and then jumping in to say she's a real person. For people who spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on their clothes, hair, publicity you would think for "Hollywood's biggest night" they could throw down a few bucks to a professional writer to ask, hey does this sound okay? You know, just ask your spouse or significant other or mom or doctor. Call your stylist or something. Just realize you are in freaking show business. You get paid millions to channel characters. The least you can do is not suck in the character you don't need to put in effort to channel.

And don't get me wrong, I love George Clooney, but he's such the homecoming king. I still haven't forgiven him for Ocean's Twelve (another celebrity party with a camera involved). Academy member thoughts: Yeah he won’t get the other two so let's throw him this bone. Hey, you ignore Sigourney Weaver one year and Juliane Moore another, but for Clooney, what the hell?

Overall the evening was pretty straight forward on winners. The refresh thing worked out perfectly until Best Picture. I actually yelled "what the F@#&*%?" when my expectations were incorrect and Crash was named Best Picture. I haven't seen it myself but I have heard many people were upset over Brokeback Mountain taking the spotlight away from this picture. I really hope that Crash winning was a result of people remembering that this film deserved the reward and not a political statement. You can't have the Best Picture tell the American public that it's okay to be in love AND be gay. Best Picture should be about racism, getting famous by killing people, lusting after teenagers, sympathizing with the mob, and coming to the big city to whore yourself out. But a gay love story it just too much.

I shouldn't say anything. It just feels like I'm in a high school cafeteria looking at the popular crowd talking about the big game this weekend while I'm in the corner table thinking about how I have to work then. No more giving into the bitterness. Next post I will simply return to my deep thoughts roots: so what the hell was up with Naomi Watt's dress? Sorry, sorry, I'll be back. I swear.

Childhood Stardom: It's Not Like in the Movies

The inspiration to write this post came from an episode of Oprah that was on a while ago. For those of you judging me, I have two responses: my mom watches Oprah, not me. The computer where I was working at the time is in the same room as the TV so back off. Second, I owe my degree to Oprah. No, my parents didn't attend one of her lavish birthday parties where the goodie bags included a voucher for a free college education. And I wasn't on her "Give free stuff for those who managed to get tickets for this show taping day" and hocked all the merchandise on eBay. What actually happened was when I was in elementary school, I watched an episode where the one of the guests was doing algebra. (I guess at one point in time the show didn't just have celebrities plugging their latest movies.) I didn't have a clue what was going on and my mom sat me down and taught me algebra that afternoon. Of course she didn't teach the three years worth of algebra that I got in junior high and high school, but I got the idea. When I got tested to be put in the advanced math class I knew what to do because my mom had already taught me. From then on, I was one class ahead of my peers in math. During my senior year I passed the AP Calculus test and in college I told myself to just keep going. Now I have a B.S. in Math and the right to feel like a smarty pants whenever I want. I should thank my mother and yet I give credit to Oprah for starting the whole thing. (I should point out that my mother has received eternal gratitude for the influence she has had over me including the math thing so no judging. I swear I have a point coming up.)

What does this have to do with entertainment you might ask? I give you this additional information for a reason. I have a tendency to ramble and say things that almost have to do with what I was talking about in the first place. But more importantly these points in my childhood helped build me into the person I am. I consider myself to be a pretty decent member of the human race. I look at pictures of me at eight years old and wonder how I got to this point in my life. And like it or not, we do the same thing with childhood stars. Case in point, that episode of Oprah I was talking about (see, it all ties together) featured an interview with Jamiee Foxworth.

That's Foxworth, not Fox. And it's Jamiee with two e's, not one. This is not about the Academy Award winning multi-talented actor who had a slight lapse in judgment when he signed on for the movie Stealth, but the young actress who played Judy Winslow on Family Matters for four years. Her character just one day wasn't there anymore (this has been referred to as Chuck Cunningham syndrome). And if you watch subsequent episodes, there is no reference to the third Winslow child.

On this episode of Oprah, she admits to turning to porn as a means of income. If you were to look up her film credits you will see they include some titles not suitable for younger viewers. I personally had to absorb this information for a minute. You notice some young actors disappear for a span of time and you marvel at how they changed when you do see them again, but this was too much. She is an incredibly beautiful woman and here she was admitting that she did it because it was a quick and easy way to make money. Not a few weeks later I found an article about Jodie Sweetin (aka middle daughter from Full House) admitting to a crystal meth addiction. Her reason for taking drugs is that she was bored.

I don't want to sound callous but this sounds more along the lines as standard young star behavior. I'm young with all this money. I need to do something. I mean so many young stars are associated with drug problems so this seems normal. There was so much speculation that Olsen Twin #2 really didn't have an eating disorder, but a drug problem. In either case, you have a teen with serious problems that the public would rather dish on then address that it's probably a good idea to find a way to protect younger performers.

We look at Drew Barrymore and think about how it's so great how she turned her life around from the teenager with drug problems to a beautiful thirty-something with her own production company and some decent movies under her belt. I say good for her. Some others aren't so lucky. Just recently Brad Renfro pleaded guilty to heroin possession. Hopefully he was just holding it for someone. Then again having it in the first place isn't a great start.

For those of you how aren't familiar with Brad Renfro, I would call him a low grade Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Funnily enough they were in the movie Tom and Huck together back in 1995. Speaking of which, last I read Jonathan Taylor Thomas has been out of the spotlight for awhile and was studying at Harvard. Here's the other side of the spectrum. He's going the way of Jodie Foster (assuming he returns to movies and wins a few Oscars). I have to say that's the way to go.

Though there is no easy way to mention this, as long as I am on the Tiger Teen Beat cover boy subject I have to make a note of Jonathan Brandis. He was one of those guys I admit to having a sixth grade crush on. I was shocked when I read that he had committed suicide in 2003. I have no jokes, judgments or witty remarks to make here.

There is one childhood star I would like to give my kudos to before finishing my post. This actor has seven movies to his credit. Five of which feature Academy Award winning performers while one more features an Academy Award nominated actress. Oddly enough it's because of the movie that has no Oscar prestige attached that I found myself developing a fondness for him. Can't Hardly Wait is a guilty pleasure and one I admit to owning. It's full of bad stereotypes that you find yourself rooting for one type and praying for humiliation for another. Blame my math geekiness background, but I have a soft spot for "the nerd". At least that's the stereotype title for such a character. I would call him the overachiever (in a good way) or the guy who will be worth something more after high school. Marry the football star if you want, but there's more glory to be had after high school. I'm sorry, I got caught up in a Revenge of the Nerds moment.

Anyways, he is Charlie Korsmo. (My apologies to him if his biography on imdb is accurate. He prefers to be called Charles. That might work out for him, but not so much for Charlie Sheen.) This fine young man has managed to graduate from M.I.T. with a degree in Physics. He's currently a student at Yale Law School. I'm sorry to be so inappropriate right now but I have to say how freaking hot is that? Alas I have to also say that he is a Republican and now I know he and I could never be. Such is life. But I commend him on his accomplishments.

I don't know from personal experience but based on what I have witnessed, it's not easy being a star as an adult. Why do people think children can handle it? For those of you trying it, I wish the best to you and for those parents trying to force their children into it, make sure you've thought this through beyond the paycheck. Not everyone will end up like Ron Howard. In fact, if you make it to Clint Howard status, consider yourself grateful.

Celebrity Sighting #1

This last Friday I had the extreme pleasure of attending the AT&T Pebble Beach ProAm for the first time. That's right, I got to be one of those people that pisses off the golf fanatics because I'm just there to gawk at the celebrities. Yep, sixty buck was dropped on behalf of my internally squealing to myself "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, I'm less than ten feet away from Carson Daly."

Okay I really didn't think that. There were two major celebrities there that caused little girl jumping up and down in my head moments, but I did not get the chance to get that close. Which is more impressive? Being close enough to Bill Murray that I could hear what he sounds like without the help of surround sound, or being so close to Carson Daly that if I fell forward with my arms out I could probably grab his shoes? I guess I should have maintained my dignity and used the former. I can say that I was in the realm of people who had to duck when Samuel L. Jackson's ball went a little off course and hit a window. He was wearing the most awesome lime green argyle sweater with a magenta hat. As I pointed out to my boyfriend's mom, (who was gracious enough to provide the transportation, financial means, and non-celebrity entertainment) Samuel L. Jackson is probably the only man who can get away with that and look good.

Now back to the event at hand. I felt bad. I know nothing of the sport. For a while I confused Pismo Beach and Pebble Beach. That is why I couldn't find info on the event for the first couple of days. It took me half the day to realize what Pro-Am meant even though I knew professionals were paired up with not so much professionals. What I know about golf can be thanked to roughly thirty hours of playing Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2005 on Xbox. But this is a charity event with famous people in it to draw a crowd. I was surrounded my non golf fans. People paid to see the famous people. But I still recognized where I was. Among players of a gentleman's game. When the kind volunteers put up their hands to signal for quiet I shut the hell up, stopped moving my feet, and prayed my allergies wouldn't kick in at that moment. I think because I did that much, I was entitled to be there and not feel that bad for my motives. That and I paid eight bucks for a hamburger.

I got to say though, I did a lot of walking to see a lot of people. They aren't people I was dying to see but it's fun seeing famous people. When I got there at first, I was in full blown little girl getting a new bike for Christmas mode. But my first sighting was Rush Limbaugh. I don't know if this is a shocker to you people, but I don't have posters of him lined up on my ceiling. (And for those of you who do, seek professional help. Like someone with a ladder to get those down.) That moment was up there with the time I saw Pat Buchanan checking into the same hotel I was. (Jealous much?)

But the golfing started so I watched with respect and resisted all urges to knock the cigar out of his mouth. Traditional or not, those things stink. So hovered around the foursome golfing, I could have sworn out of the corner of my eye I saw Bill Murray. But I could only see about a third of this guy's face and what are the odds considering he wasn't due at this hole for another hour or so. But I had to check. Asking the boyfriend to save my spot I moved to the practice putting green and behold, there he was. Of course, how many professional golf players do tournaments in big bulky sweaters and shorts? That fact aside, I though how much do I rock being able to recognize him so far away? That proved to be a disaster for the rest of the day. From that moment, my celebrity sense was tingling and I thought I saw more people that were actually there. Throughout the day I swore I saw William H. Macy, Terri Hatcher, Richard Belzer, and Mark Harmon. I'm pretty good at playing the "if my life were a movie, who would I cast to play that guy" game. But it's no good at events like this with people everywhere. It got so annoying after a while. People need to stop wearing glasses, hats, being far away from me, and looking like famous people.

The rest of the day was pretty interesting. The first few hours we were there, my group was trying to get organized and making a mental list of who we wanted to see. I, of course provided my services of who was in what that made them worthy of walking that far to see them. I'd like to point out the very small amount of sleep we had to excuse the following story. It was very funny to me at the time and maybe not so funny to you. I kept bringing up celebrity siblings at this thing. But the timing was funny. I was talking about how it would be funny to see Brian Doyle Murray at the event. "You know, his brother." Unfortunately my boyfriend's mom thought I was talking about Samuel L. Jackson again. Then laughed when she realized I said Brian Doyle MURRAY. And within the next hour we saw Mark Wahlberg a few greens away from Justin Timberlake. I made a comment that I saw his brother Donnie when I was younger. She thought I was talking about Justin Timberlake. So yes we now have Donnie Timberlake of New Kids on the Block. At four hours of sleep and three on the road, this was funny to me. Also, I cannot blame her confusion. I pride myself in knowing a plethora of pointless celebrity information.

I did get the chance to see a lot of somewhat big names. I have to say it's refreshing to see them up close without their own personal lighting director following them. Oh and on a side note, Mark Wahlberg is a lot shorter and smaller in real life. Let's see, I saw in the order in which I care: Bill Murray, Samuel L. Jackson, James Woods, Dennis Quaid, Andy Garcia, Huey Lewis, Ray Romano, George Lopez, Mark Wahlberg, and Chris O'Donnell. The rest fall into the interesting but whatever category: Carson Daly, Justin Timberlake, Donald Trump, Glen Campbell, Kenny G, Thomas Gibson, Craig T. Nelson and Rush Limbaugh.

Oh and I saw Ozzie Smith. My boyfriend had asked who Ozzie Smith was. I knew he was a sports celebrity and my instinct was to say the first thing that came to me and I responded that he played for the Cowboys. It was after I said it that I thanked God I didn't have a penis because it would have been revoked right there. I took a look at the gentleman and realized he did not have the build of football player. When I went back to my tomboy roots, I searched hard and remembered he played baseball. I used to have so many cards of him. Funnily enough I did get to see Emmitt Smith a few rounds earlier. I knew a Smith did play for Dallas.

But that sums up my celebrity sighting tour. I know this post wasn't as fun as my others, but this one has me out trying to touch the world I want to be in. Or at least touch the men I think are so cool. I knew I built up the day to be more than what I actually got to experience and it was nice to not be so star struck. Maybe I'm out- growing my celebrity obsession. Then again maybe if the tournament was filled with my list of five, I'd be that little girl at Christmas again.

Modified "Six Degrees to Kevin Bacon" minus Kevin Bacon

Don't get me wrong, I think Kevin Bacon is great. But if you'll notice, the huge influx of newer and younger actors is making it a little more difficult for our wonderful Mr. Bacon to keep up with his own game. I'll admit being in Beauty Shop was a brilliant move to open up a few more connections. Unfortunately Queen Latifah and Alicia Silverstone can take us only so far.

Tell you what. For the time being, I'll lend the general public my game. A while ago I was watching Law & Order: SVU and wanted to look up Mariska Hargitay. I think I wanted to show my boyfriend that she was expecting a baby with her husband or something to that effect. He was at the computer on imdb.com and he went to put in her name, but I stopped him for a second. I thought if it was me, I would totally butcher her name in the search box. (For the purpose of this post, I checked three times to make sure I got it right.) So rather than put in some gibberish resembling her name, I would see if I could find a path to her using something on the home page.

And that's what I did. I stretched my mind to think what has she been in and what can I connect it to? She has a small list so I worked backwards. My best bet was using Leaving Las Vegas and Nicholas Cage (yes, she was in that and she's credited as 'Hooker at Bar'). This was about the time Batman Begins had come out on DVD and so it all came to me. Click on Batman Begins and find Michael Caine. Click on Michael Caine and find The Weather Man. Click on The Weather Man and find Nicholas Cage. Click on Nicholas Cage and find Leaving Las Vegas. Click on Leaving Las Vegas and click on the cast list to find Mariska Hargitay.

Now would it have been easier to attempt to spell her name? Well, yeah, but now I have a fun game to play. (Ironically, today imdb has Mariska Hargitay on their home page because it's her birthday.)

So now there's this modified Six Degrees game we all can play. Hopefully this will tide us over until Mr. Bacon puts on hold being in these serious independent movies, throw us a bone, and star in some "uproarious" comedy with Frankie Muniz and the Olsen twins. (***Disclaimer: The author of this post has the utmost respect for Mr. Kevin Bacon and does not in any way feel he should attempt movie industry suicide by making a movie as described in the above text to make the Six Degrees game easier. For the love of God please read the sarcasm between the lines. Let's have more Mystic Rivers and less New York Minutes. I would be happy if there remains no simple links between Mr. Bacon and the young people in the cast of The O.C. (Don't call it that). Though if there would ever be one, it would be with Peter Gallagher already.

Now just for fun's sake, I want to play Six Degrees to Kevin Bacon with me. Now this is a little difficult for me considering that I lack the appropriate film credits typically necessary to be used in this game. Therefore, I shall cheat and you will accept that.

Okay, I found out last weekend that my brother-in-law's brother, or if you prefer my sister's brother-in-law (essentially no legal relation to me, but best man at the wedding in which I was the maid of honor) happens to be dating Paris Hilton's cousin. Now which cousin, I have no clue. But I got to hear about how he spent New Years at Paris Hilton's party in Las Vegas. And he was there again to watch the Steelers-Colts game. He's partying hard with the professionals. The point is that's my cheat.

Me to my brother-in-law (Legal relation)
My brother-in-law to his brother (Blood relation-brothers)
His brother to ______Hilton (Couple, boy toy, haven't figured it out yet)
______ Hilton to Paris Hilton (Blood relation-cousins)
Paris Hilton to Christian Slater (Zoolander)
Christian Slater to Kevin Bacon (Murder in the First)