Cable = Devil

For me because as of this minute, I'm am keeping up with the Kardashians. I wish it weren't true, but I am. If I were at home and not at my parent's house, I would be doing laundry and NOT WATCHING THIS TRAIN WRECK. 

I think watching pretty people with "problems" is a lot easier than paying attention to real life tragedy and pain. I think I should mute this and fund out how to donate to the American Red Cross. It will help to wash off this layer of whore I feel all over me.

Movie Gluttony

I didn't like that I was shamed in a Blockbuster because I only would come to the store to exchange the movies on average once per day. I made it up to two times a few days. The lady at the counter see she'd see people coming in three times a day. Sometimes I miss being unemployed. (My apologies to the unemployed. Yes, these are trying times, but I bet your closet is cleaned and organized and you don't have to watch back logged episodes of Modern Family.)  

I finally was convinced by my boyfriend to rent some movies. He wanted to see Inglourious Basterds and District 9. There is a reason that I haven't been in a movie theater or a Blockbuster for almost a year (and the answer is NOT Netflix). If I have already told the story, tune out until you see the ***. 

I spent my late elementary, junior high, and early high school years consuming movies. I wish I was kidding, but I would go on a Friday and rent about six movies for my weekend. Yes, I did have friends, but no car, so screw that. It did continue until high school and some of college, but then I picked a hard major and didn't have as much time. When I came out with my degree, I forgot the intoxicating rush of seeing a great movie. I had moved on to great TV. Each episode had people I already cared about in captivating moments, whether I'm laughing my butt off or drawn into the intense action. Movies have to try harder when they try to cram that into two hours. In fact, TV left very little room in my heart left for movies to have a chance. The point is, I like the comfort of TV and this left me very skeptical of using up my life on what's not a sure thing.

*** So approaching the check out with District 9, Inglourious Basterds, The Hangover, and Paranormal Activity, We were told that for eighteen bucks, we could do the unlimited two at a time for a week. Considering we were about to drop over twenty for four movies it seemed like a good deal. I knew that I had to think about it. If I were to do the "buffet style" of renting movies, I was to do nothing but watch for the next seven days. I discussed it with my boyfriend and we decided to give up our lives for the sake of mass media consumption. 

We started with the two we originally came for. You know, Inglourious Basterds was good, but I forgot that Tarantino is a messed up guy. I should have realized that I was going to see a lot of death. I expected some, but for some reason was still shocked. Well, as shocked as one can be who has seen every other Tarantino movie. I had heard good things about District 9 and it did not disappoint. It didn't entertain as much as it did impress me. I know thirty million is a lot for a movie, but for the movie that I saw, they did a fantastic job.

We went back for The Hangover and Paranormal Activity. Okay, I admit that when you wait to see a movie and hear everyone talks about how great it is, you will set yourself up for disappointment. The Hangover was funny, I just expected more. Now I should have know that horror movies mess me up. Especially when they are in the "Jaws" state of mind where freaking myself out over the things I think I might see make the movie even more effective. Damn you, Paranormal Activity! I could not get the last image out of my head for three days. Ewwwwwww.

Next wave was The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard and The Perfect Getaway. I needed to watch a low expectations funny movie (see: Zoolander or Let's Go to Prison) and The Goods did its job. When you have lines like "It feels like a Smurf jizzed all over my face" and "James Van Der Beek, my nigger!" that's good times. I personally did not watch The Perfect Getaway as I had read the plot online. One of the couples is evil. OOOOOOOOO(hands waiving). I had a theory, checked with The Movie Spoiler, confirmed I was right, and then moved on with my life.

I went back by myself and got (500) Days of Summer. That was a cute movie. Well acted, directed, and written. It had real heart and that was enough. Okay, we both decided to see Up together. How dare you, Pixar? I don't live far from your studios, so I will gladly go over there and kick your ass if you ever make me cry that hard again. This brilliant arrangement of imagery and music in the first twenty minutes left me in a heap of tears that continued even during the fun parts and through the heartwarming protagonist's moment of revelation. I'm grateful that Up canceled out the horrid scene of Paranormal Activity that haunted me, but I don't like that I started to tear up again in Best Buy two days later when I saw it for two minutes with the sound off.

By this point I had to go back to work and I was starting to get movie fatigue, but I was determined to get to less that two dollars per rental. I rented Spring Breakdown because I'm a fan of the SNL ladies trying to give it a go. Also, I believe Jane Lynch to be the female Alan Rickman. One who instantly make any movie at least thirty percent better. It was okay. Had some good moments, but I understand why it has a limited release.

When I went back, I picked up Adventureland, but I asked for a recommendation from the store clerk. She mentioned The Hangover, which I promptly responded, "done!" Then she mentioned Fanboys. Of course! I forgot about that one but I was glad she mentioned it. I don't like that I knew as many references as I did and I had to pause and look up any one that I didn't. It's a shame it got pushed back and shelved like it did so it couldn't have the impact that it should have, but I liked it. I hope enough others did too so more good movies like it can be made.

Eventually I did go back for Adventureland. While (500) Days of Summer had indie heart, Adventureland had retro heart. But I don't like any movie that makes me not like Ryan Reynolds. Good and entertaining overall. 

Our last round was Extract and the second recommendation I got from a Blockbuster clerk: Outlander. I had to support Mike Judge after Office Space and Idiocracy. Here was the problem with Extract though. I did not like anyone in that movie. I hate entitled people. I hate whiners. I hate pushovers. I hate people who try to get away with less that their fair share. Couldn't relate to anyone and didn't even want to bother. I knew nothing about Outlander when we rented it. The box said Beowulf meets Predator. That wasn't a wrong description. No expectations plus decent premise plus Ron Perlman equals okay, but can't think of what else to get, so no regrets. And also, made it to thirteen total movies. Goal achieved. Whooo!

Well, I guess my movie buffet adventure is over and I'm grateful. Time to move onto my TV I got for Christmas marathon. That would involve a season of House, The Office, The Closer, Psych, and Family Guy. You know, I probably could have have knocked out a few discs if I hadn't typed this. Oh well, wish me luck.

Pepto and Drano

That was a special present to get on Christmas morning. I had a flu bug incubating in me that decided to show itself in a wonderful package of half digested tri-tip and artichokes. I'm grateful that it was contained in my sink for a slightly less complicated clean up. I'm grateful for my boyfriend who rushed over, dumped a bottle of Drano into my sink. (He came with the special pink bottle as well.) I'm grateful that I made it to my parents home so I could pass out on the couch and writhe in discomfort until my fever broke. It was difficult, but waking up no longer afraid to eat is a wonderful gift. It make the new cookware from my parent's easier to enjoy. Here's to a more comfortable new year.

Happy Christmas Moment

Because everyone deserves a few minutes of this.

Celebrity Sighting # Awesome!

To be fair, this wasn't like the golf tournament where we followed them. This was a show and after party. I mentioned before that I bought tickets for Laughs for Bald Bryan. Well, I have returned and I come with more to add to my list.

First of all, this was an amazing show and I can't fully compliment all of the performers. It began with the silent auction in the garden an hour and a half before the show. Bald Byran himself was there and I had the chance to have my picture taken with him and my boyfriend. He asked if we had met before. Of course it was no, but I told him it was nice to meet him though I wished it was under different circumstances. Against my wishes, my boyfriend wore his Cal shirt, but it was the conversation starter he said it would be. The picture was the only one that I got that wasn't on my camera. I was told it'll be up on the website in a few days. They better not have been lying to me.

When we got to ten minutes before showtime, I had to have my ritualistic going to the bathroom so I don't have to go during the show. A line formed and I was afraid that we'd be late. In the line one of the volunteers said on the other side was shorter. I bolted and dragged my man with me, even though he was skeptical about trying to take a shortcut. Well, we found a line even longer and I was hurt. However, when we made it to the front, Teresa Strasser was there with Eric Stromer. I introduced myself and said hello even though she was blocking my way. Thinking I wouldn't get the chance again, I walked into the theater thinking I missed my photo opportunity. The second the usher showed us to our seats the lights went down.

What followed was an amazing show consisting of Adam thanking us for coming, Bald Bryan saying a few words to the audience, What Can't Adam Complain About? Loveline questions with Dr. Drew, Greg Fitsimmons, Dana Gould, The Dan Band, a live auction with Eric Stromer, comedy with Larry Miller, Joel McHale, and a mini Bad Religion concert. The whole time, Jimmy Kimmel found his way to the stage with beers and toasted a la The Man Show.

My videos were crappy. Thank you YouTube.

The evening was great until I injured my foot on the way to the after party. There was blood, hobbling, and cursing to my god, but there was no way in hell I was going to miss this party. I had spent six hours in the car, I would happily be carried the rest of the way.

There was a line to meet Adam on the way in. I said screw it and decided we could get in line later. We came into a quiet party. It was cool because the other performers where there and everyone else was waiting for Adam. We saw Dana Gould. I hate to interrupt, but I knew that I don't get these chances very often. I asked if I could have a few minutes to kiss his ass. Then I got a picture with him. Whooooo!

After that, I actually got into a conversation with Greg Fitsimmons. I mentioned Dr. Katz and how I watched it. After saying a little bit too much about my comedy obsession back when I was younger, he asked me if I was a comedy nerd. Turns out, yes I am. I even told him I wanted to get married in a comedy club. He said get some of the comedians to be the groomsmen. I would be all for it if he was offering (and my brothers wouldn't mind). 

From there I became afraid to approach Teresa Strasser. I guess it was I knew my 'I'm a cute girl and I love your work" schtick wouldn't work. Instead I went back to the Carolla line. I had practiced what I would say since I had bought the tickets. I asked for him to sign my copy of The Hammer, but he said it was already signed. He signed it again though. I told him about my boyfriend's comment on Click it or Ticket and it pretty much fell flat. I think he had had a lot to drink. I worried I insulted him at some point, but my boyfriend told me to not obsess. That's my ego out of control again. So I got my picture and it was cool.

Going back into the party, we started to look for Teresa again, but I saw Joel McHale. I felt bad because my man really wanted to meet Teresa and I was dragging him along to meet all the dudes. I HAD to get a picture with Joel McHale, though. And then I did. Then we went Teresa hunting again.

Again, my urge to not be rude held me back. The people hovering around her were doing the same thing and she was talking to the the Deaf Frat Guy(awesome, eventually shook his hand). So the people before us did the "we'll take a picture for you if you take one for us" thing. They got theirs, but as I was talking to Teresa, the girlfriend of one of the members of Bad Religion came to her with a present. They spoke for a while and the other couple was looking at me like, "hey, we got your camera, come on now!" So Teresa turns to me and says " Isn't this pretty?" I said yes and used the opening to keep talking. I got the picture and told her thank you and to never stop what she's doing. She was touched and gave me a hug. As I was in the hug, I added unless she wants to. I was caught off guard. But yeah! My second celebrity hug.

On the way out, we say Larry Miller. Got a shot with him too. As he walked away, another guy asked him if he wanted Purell. Screw you guy. Oh well. We sat down and could hear Lynn and Alex, but I still don't know who is who. We debated if we should talk to them, but decided against it. It was time to call it a night. I limped back to the car and smiled. A good show for a great cause. I hope the best for Bald Bryan.

Guilty Observation

And all things lead back to Adam Carolla. Okay, in order to get the whole story, I have to start with today's Podcast. He has told this story before, but now I've connected the dots. Apparently his junior high school girlfriend grew up to be an actress. He finally said her name and some of the movies she had been in. We'll she's no Joyce Hyser, but she did play the chick in Teen Wolf Too.

First thing on my resume: Did it with Jason Bateman.

Hey, that was one of my guilty pleasures as a kid. I recorded off of TBS and watched it a thousand times. Of course I memorized the edited version. Same thing happened with Ferris Bueller ("It's not a piece of tin!") and Vacation ("Who do I look like? Christopher Colombo?"). Supernatural aspects aside, it was just one of those teen movies here you root for the geek to get the girl. But Teen Wolf Too was different. You want the geek geek boy to realize the hot chick isn't really for him, unlike the geek girl that's been in front of him the whole time. (Totally different. Much like the plot of this movie and it's predecessor. Boxing in college is not the same as basketball in high school.)

The point is this sent me on a internet voyage through pictures and reminiscing about other movies in the same vein. You know, My Best Friend is a Vampire, Zapped!, My Boyfriend's Back; movies I should have never wasted the original hour and a half to see, let alone countless that I used watching again and again (My dad would ask me if I though the ending would change.). The voyage ended with me spending more time than I would like to admit watching Just of the Guys on YouTube at work. Good lord, that movie is awful. It's not even in the top three of William Zabka being the bad guy movies. (That would be The Karate Kid, the first few minutes of The Karate Kid, Part II, and Back to School.)

I come home and waste even more time watching My Best Friend is Vampire. I had the biggest crush on Robert Sean Leonard. I love and (and for obvious reasons hate) Dead Poet's Society. And now he's Wilson on House. Granted my attracted as switched to a different doctor on that show, but I digress. So I'm watching this horrible excuse for a movie and see Kathy Bates in a small role. Holy crap. I guess Academy Award winning actors have to start somewhere. And that when I noticed it. My Boyfriend's Back had Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Buffy the Vampire Slayer had Hilary Swank (and Ben Affleck if you watch closely). There's probably more but I don't want to force connections by hunting for them. They should be organic.

I actually mentioned to my boyfriend that the whole Joyce Hyser fading into obscurity gives me hope for Megan Fox doing the same in twenty years. Lack of talent (and if you don't believe me, watch the movie without the scene with her boobs) will eventually result in fewer roles. And the background people will emerge to the top of the A list. Or at least that's my theory.

Get Mind Out of Gutter

Actually, put it back in for a second. On the same shopping trip but at Target, I wander through the board game area and see this.

The rocket vapor trail is not helping.

Okay, what do you read when you just glance at the box? Seriously, people. And the description says the game "will inspire you to use your creativity, wit and sense of humor in ways you've never imagined." I think I'll stop writing here.