R.I.P. King of Pop

While I realize that I'm way behind everyone else who managed to write about this mere hours it happened, I still must make my statements. I was at work when my co-worker received a text message that the "child molesting pervert is dead." First of all that's not how I wanted to receive the news. Secondly, I imaging whoever sent that message will not have even one millionth of the impact on the artistic world as Michael Jackson's monkey. Right, not Jackson himself, the monkey. Please, have some respect. A man is dead.

But this brought up some interesting discussion. As casual bystanders and even benefactors of Michael Jackson's work, we can view him in one of three ways. He was either a child predator who deserved punishment, in the eyes of the law, a man charged but never convicted of a heinous crime and just merely an oddball, or one of the greatest and most significant contributors to the art world.

A friend of mine pointed out that for my generation, this is probably as devastating as when my parent's generation heard about the death of John Lennon. I of course had to point out that Lennon was taken but some selfish ass who wanted to be significant. Although tests haven't been completed, I'm sure no bullets were involved yesterday.

But then we now have to break out the conspiracy theories. Jackson was broke and hounded by those who both loved and hated him. It seems like the time to fake a death and fade into obscurity. Strangely with all the skeptics (or is that true believers?) who will file him in the ranks of Elvis, Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, and Tupac, he will be hunted, dead or alive.

Yes, with the plastic surgery, molestation allegations, and hanging of child from balcony antics we tend to forget the 13 number one hits, the greatest selling album of all time, and the introduction of a dance craze that wasn't lame like the Macarena. You cannot deny the legacy and the impact he has had on the world. This isn't like Heath Ledger where we will never know what he would have contributed to the world. I would say Jackson gave the world more than his fair share.

All possible nasty remarks aside, thank you for your artistic contribution to the world. I hope you have found peace.

I'm Keeping My Five Dollars

Today I was standing in line at Wendy's and hoping that I can feed six people for under twenty bucks. My niece is next to me and made the comment that she wants to try their new coffee Frosty thing but hates the commercials. Based on the commercials, she's going to pass.

I was astounded. Despite the thirteen year age difference, we have had the same reaction. A refusal to buy something based on the commercial. I find that strange that the advertising is having the exact opposite intended effect. (I'd comment that it's ironic, but I fear that I will use the word incorrectly. Damn you Alanis Morissette!)

I think back and I remember long conversations with my boyfriend about boycotting Burger King because of that creepy plastic king mascot they now have. (And the Star Trek King-Ons made me shake my head disapprovingly, even in an empty room.) The end result was I love those chicken sandwiches. I'll just give up TV until the wave of ads pass.

Even worse was those Subway five dollar sandwich commercials. First of all, they had two rounds of ads with the annoying song. Then they jump to the "everyday people" singing the song and laughing as they got it wrong. Because that song has entered our culture and now everyone knows it. Like how we "want our bay-back-baby-back-baby-back ribs" or "we'd like to give the world a Coke". Then the "go online and do your own commercial" happened. How dare you insult me this way. I spit on your campaign.

And don't get me started on the Quiznos talking toaster sexually harassing the employee commercial. I've decided I'm going to Togo's from now on. It helps that they have the superior sandwiches, but I shall remain firm on my decision.

So what does this mean that these quite trivial reasons are keeping me from patronizing establishments? Probably that I need to get out more. Or more accurately, I need to stay in and learn to cook. That is, while the TV is off.

In the Land of Spoilers

I live in this vast land of the internet. And in its primitive sister land of print when a computer/ internet connection is not available. And this is a difficult time for me. I speak of course of season finale time.

Just reading my Entertainment Weekly has proven to be a challenge. Of course it's my own damn fault for thinking I can read a entertainment magazine and have what's actually going on in the series not written about. But I move forward and hope that they were just kidding when the wrote that Fauxbituary on one of the Lost characters. I can hope that it's like Six Feet Under and everyone died because that's the premise of the show. "Lost" is a metaphor for death and everyone dies. Just like in real life. Wow, that's deep for someone who has not seen a single episode. And the Dharma Inititaive: that's just Lucifer. Okay, now I'm just making crap up. And I had to be creative finding out how to spell that without getting more spoilers.

The only show I watch consistently, (by that I mean I watch on Hulu on the weekends at my leisure) is Dollhouse. I don't care what the critics are saying, I enjoy this show. The argument is " how can you get attached to a character that has her mind wiped every week?" Answer, you don't have to, necessarily. For starters, you want to know how we got to this point.

You don't have to hate the evil corporation that is pimping out these volunteers. You don't have to root for the next generation Fox Mulder out to rescue the walking dead Dolls. You watch a story in progress and put pieces together. Everyone seems to have a secret, or at the very least a interesting past. I want to know. And I'm invested and entertained with every episode. Thank you Joss Whedon. Mission accomplished.

Sadly, I can't stop reading the internet and I got spoiled on a few things. It took from some of the fun, but I still get to enjoy parts here and there. I even had a conversation recently with a friend about how even watching "scenes from the next episode" can ruin the enjoyment. It messed up House for me because they do the fake-out beginnings. I know the little kid having the asthma attack will be fine. This episode is about the profesional athelete and his possible steriod use. (Sorry. Generic and vauge spoiler alert.) Just watching one at a time on DVD and blocking the image on the menu makes it a magical and complete experience. That is with the exception of the damn spoiler in titles of articles. Come one people, give a chance here!

So in this land I refuse to leave, what is my new challenge? I want to see if I can read Angels and Demons before the movie comes out. With the reviews and articles about to flood the newspapers, magazines, and everything else I consume, I should get cracking. I have a rule where I don't start a new book before I've finished my current. It's odd, I know, but I don't like to mix up my stories. All though I amended the rule to have one fiction and nonfiction book at a time. So I have about four days to go. I'll just pretend I'm at the airport. With no wi-fi. And my phone is dead. And I don't need a nap. (Sigh.) Okay. Wish me luck.

Celebrity Sighting #12

Someone help me, I can't be stopped. The Titus show awoke a need to see and laugh and love again. I got tickets to Joel McHale for the Saturday before Easter. I swear at the time it didn't seem like a bad idea at the time. But it was a birthday present from my man, so I said yes please.

It was in Santa Rosa so we stayed the night in town. It was a nice stress free trip. If course if you were in my family, you'd realize this is not a stress free time and we have soooo much crap going on right now with Easter and my brother's wedding and various work related problems. I guess I can take solace that we all have jobs to stress about.

Anyway, stress free Joel McHale fun. We get to the venue and extra bonus: Chris Hardwick (former Singled Out host and current Attack of the Show contributor) is the opening act. When we sat, I knew we had the worst seats in the house. But it was an intimate venue, so it was enough. It only sucked bcasue all of the seats were the same price.

Before the show started, there were announcements of upcoming performances. Again, I have to be stopped. I wanted to run out and get tickets to Frank Caliendo. I wanted to be a nucklehead. My boyfriend is trying his best to keep me in check.

So we saw Chris and we saw Joel. I feel bad becasue I think Chris was better. He is a nerd and he speaks my language. While Joel was funny, it was mostly an expensive episode of The Soup without visuals. Still worth it, but it's easier to calm down my need to get tickets to everything. But I still have to see the shows that I aleady have tickets for. Next stop, David Sedaris. Hell yeah!

Who Watches Nite Owl II's Pants?

I know it's a strange question, but seriously does Patrick Wilson ever keep his pants on? I swear I'm not complaining, but it seems to be an ongoing theme with him. I saw Watchmen recently. Yep, there's his ass. Just to be safe I read the source material and seeing his ass was "essential to the character." Or at least it helped with remaining faithful to the graphic novel.

He's hasn't been in many movies, so I don't have much to go on. Coincidentally, I rented Hard Candy and Little Children in the same trip to Blockbuster. I didn't know he was in both, but it was a strange transition to watch. In Hard Candy, he's an alleged pedophile who gets punished in a graphic way. I don't remember what is shown, but there is a scene where there is an impromptu surgery and some parts of his anatomy are extracted. I know his pants had to be off for what was implied. Please don't make me watch again to verify.

Now in Little Children, it's a step up. There is a pedophile played by someone else(Jackie Earle Haley/Watchmen's Rorschach for those of you keeping score) and Wilson's character has an affair with Kate Winslet. Yep, sex scenes galore. That's two. Or three I guess.

I looked him up on imdb and found it was him that was in the Gap commercial with Claire Danes. There was dancing, music from Annie Get Your Gun, and, wait for it, the removal of his pants. Interestingly enough, he is in the movie in Evening also with Claire Danes. I'd put good money on his pants being missing sometime in the movie considering I know from the story there is a love scene between the two characters. I'll get back to you when I know the results.

To cap it off, I looked at his theater credits. Yeah, The Full Monty. There's a clip on YouTube of him performing the famous scene for the 2001 Tony Awards. I tried to watch it twice and chickened out both times. To be fair, one of the times I was at work. Then again, it's an awards show. What can they possibly show?

Finally I found that he was in Angels in America. He plays an sexually confued Mormon. I am so there. I don't know if he takes his pants off, but I'm willing to invest mini-series time to find out. (It won some Emmys or something right?)

It's abundanlty clear that since I'm dedicating a full post to him, he will be added to my list. You are correct sir. But if this trend begins to reverse and more famous he gets, the more modest he becomes. I might have some issues. Though I don't think I've seen full frontal yet. At least he's still a step ahead (or behind, depending on how you look at it) of Jason Segel.

Judge Not...

..Lest yet be judged for the not one, but two New Kids on the Block Joe dolls I used to have. I had one from my brother and one from my best friend. Lord knows where they ended up, but I guess I should be glad the evidence of my giggling girl days are long gone. Or I should be pissed that I had one still in the box and who knows what that would fetch on eBay. (Apparently ten bucks if I'm lucky.)

Why this confession? I found myself spitting on the anticipated release of Twilight on DVD while gagging over the thought of the Jonas Brothers. Then I freaked out because it's been about ten year since my similar reaction to the Backstreet Boys. (Although secretively, I did want it that way....) I pretend that I don't understand the legions of girls that go nuts for these guys, but then I had to remember that I was once like them.

The first concert I ever attended was a New Kids concert. I remember after church my parents asked my brothers to go ahead into the house, they had to talk to me and my sister. Thinking we were in trouble, I was even more excited to find out they bought us tickets. Looking back, my mom and dad were AMAZING parents to suffer that for their daughters. (I now fear what I may have to be exposed to fifteen years down the road. Maybe I should play my eggs some Yo-Yo Ma and start them in a dignified direction. )

As for Twilight, (aka, Bram Stoker's Romeo and Juliet) again I shouldn't judge. I read Sweet Valley High as a young girl. You know, pretty people with problems. It helped prepare me for enjoying the original 90210. Rich pretty people with problems adds an extra element.

We all have these skeletons in our closet. But I'm choosing to no longer hide behind my hypocrisy and admit on my anonymous blog that I once enjoyed girly tempations. I guess the Bible's right. Be true to thine own self, and to thine owns self be true. (You know, the seventh commandment.)

R.I.P. Adam Carolla Show

Dear Online Diary,

....Delete the tears....

2009 was the year that I was going to take some time off and finally go to one of the live Adam Carolla shows. Be it Los Angeles or Las Vegas, I was going to buy that man a beer and shake his hand. Of course if there were any drinking games, I would have run like a chicken.

And I finally was mustering up enough courage to call in and do one of the How Say You segments (assuming they'd let me on the air.) After hearing Teresa Strasser do her review of Debbie Does Dallas, I get into a conversation about porn with my man and he shows me this, well, it amounts to approaching a woman on the street and spending half an hour convincing her to have sex with a stranger in a van. I was wondering how much men would watch as the convincing part was quite long. Although it was too short with anyone with any amount of self-esteem. Finally we get to the sex in the van part.

I am not kidding when I say that what popped into my head was "Wait, they aren't wearing seat belts. Where are the police? Doesn't this violate Click it or Ticket?" Yes, there were two naked people having sex on the screen but I say this to my boyfriend. And then I break into my Carolla Burbank cop impression. "Okay, what I'm gonna need for you for you to do for me okay right now is go ahead and put your pants on and show me your license and registration okay right now. Sir, okay right now, please remove your penis from her vagina and step away from the van okay right now, okay right now."

Yep. I wanted to tell that story on the air. Of course now the phone lines will be flooded as tomorrow is the last day of The Adam Carolla Show. I'm sad. Didn't cry. But I'm sad. I have no doubt though, with this talk of a podcast,that Carolla will thrive in the media. Just not in the form that I've come to know and love these last two years of listening. I will burn calories to find him where ever he will entertain. I will miss my mornings filled with Ace Man, T, and Bald Bryan. But I wish them all the best in this rocky economy.

P.S. G.S. Go Sox’s!