DVD Rant: I'm Extra Pissed Edition

I knew it was coming. I posted about it when I first heard the announcement. I wasn't even a victim of this the first time around. But I remain outraged. It could happen again and this time I may not be so lucky.

While many might be pleased that the original (i.e. Greedo doesn't shoot first) theatrical releases of Star Wars are finally available (though only for a limited time of course) on DVD, I remain skeptical. I have this theory that by the time Christmas rolls around, there will be a special double trilogy pack available with even more never before seen footage. You know like pictures of Harrison Ford and Mark Hamill playing rock, paper, scissors to see who has to help Peter Mayhew out of his Chewbacca costume.

You know what else set me off is seeing an advertisement for Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest on DVD. The ad was fine, but it doesn't even come out until freaking December. DECEMBER! Those who want it are going to get it. Four hundred million worth of box office receipts prove that. They don't need an ad three months in advance to remind them that they need to buy it. But two weeks after they sell the DVD, they'll come out with a “Sunken Treasure Edition” with more discs and a special sneak preview of the third one. Then when all three are out, they'll sell the third one and then put together a trilogy package one month later that will include even more special features and little gifts in the packaging. With any luck it’ll include some sand, a lock of Johnny Depp's hair, and what's left of Orlando Bloom's manhood (Oh right, he lost that somewhere in between Troy and Elizabethtown).

I apologize but I'm tired of this release, hook, and re-release thing they have going on. I own some great movies. But apparently I have to go out and get the extra special version that wasn't originally available when I bought the first copy. I know they plan to do this with Kill Bill. Of course Tarantino will have a major set available. That's just his style. But I'm not playing anymore. I got Volumes 1 and 2 for twenty bucks and I'm done. Unless one of the special features involves a rebate of the full purchase price of the DVD, I'm not touching it.

I've been burned many times but even when I finally learned my lesson and waited for the special über editions, I got screwed again. Three films I have: The Professional Uncut International Edition, Robin Hood Price of Thieves Special Extended Edition, and T2 Extreme Edition have all pissed me off. Yes, the extra scenes the directors have put in are interesting, but this new cut is not the movie I watched many times and want to watch again. I have to do it in reverse now, where I need to get the bare bones copies if I ever want to see the cut I want.

When did they get it right? Wedding Crashers. The regular and the unrated (or in this special case Uncorked Edition) came out at the same time. But with Uncorked, I can decide which version I want to watch.

I take that back. Wedding Crashers got it right on the DVD part. But the Uncorked thing bothered me. Here's a note to those in charge of DVD releases. Calling it a "cute reference from the movie" edition is not cool. Pretty in Pink: Everything's Duckie Edition, not cool. Tommy Boy: Holy Scknikes Edition, funny, but not cool. Grease: Rockin’ Rydell Edition, NOT COOL. This one even came with its own jacket. But you have your choice of jackets. Now it's not even about the movie anymore.

So yes, I am outraged. And I know this will happen again and again. But don't worry. I'm not going to copy and paste this rant, add some paragraphs and post it again in six months calling it something new. There no cash in it for me. Even if there was, you deserve better.

An Ethical Dilema

When I first heard about it I thought it was a great creative idea. A film that lasts one second and the rest is credits. Hang on, there’s more. The credits consist of names of people who donated money to the making of the film (and which the proceeds go to charity). I think it's cool to have the chance to be apart of Hollywood even though I'm just a small town girl who will never live her movie star dreams (Especially the one with me in the hot tub with....oh, uh, never mind).

Now here was the best part of all. Those who are given producer credits can get their name on imdb. So I finally have my chance. I recently started a list of 100 (though I'm only up to 64 at the moment) things I want to accomplish before I die (my boyfriend thinks I'm morbid). The second thing on the list was to get a credit on imdb. (I always though I'd have to settle for miscellaneous crew under "Thanks" or something. I knew it would involve giving money or something, not being in the movie itself. I do, however have “be an extra in a film” as number one so I will make my mark eventually. Probably as Girl #3.)

I thought cool, I can finally get my name on imdb. And I can use the free link they provide on the 1 Second Film website to go straight to my web log. But then here's the problem. I want my real name to go on imdb. But this site is powered by my alter ego Angela Simmons. I don't want those worlds to collide. I thought perhaps I could buy two credits and give one to Angie. But them I stepped right in to my ethical dilemma. (For those of you nitpicking, yes, I’m speaking as me and not Angie right now but I’m having a dilemma, so bite me.)

I look to imdb for information and I don't want to soil it just so I can get my alternate ego some advertising. I know there are others out there who would just tell me to do it and stop complaining. (Charlie Kaufman's fictional twin brother Donald is credited on the site after all). But I know in my heart it's not the right thing to do.

The 1 Second Film includes celebrity producers such as Stephen Colbert, James Cromwell, Kevin Bacon, Christina Ricci, B.J. Novak, and many more. Copyright www.the1secondfilm.com

I know I'll come up with a solution eventually, but for the time being I think I should at least give some more web advertising to the people helping me fulfill my movie dreams. (Click on the picture to go their site.) Now if only someone would help me with that hot tub dream......

The Oh Yeah Phenomenon

Quick! Without cheating, name me three movies Sharon Stone has starred in. And you can only use movies with the words “basic” and “instinct” in it once.

It occurred to me that as much as I tried to jog my memory, I couldn’t do this. I looked her up and then it came flooding back to me. (But in all fairness, she hadn’t been in very many GOOD movies.) Sharon Stone is one of those people. Actors who you know by name but you couldn't name three movies they've been in. Donald Sutherland, Kyra Sedgwick, Dennis Quaid, Vincent D'Onofrio are a few more that spring to mind. Do you even realize that in 2004 Dennis Quaid was in four movies? These where bigger than normal movies and he had top billing. I guess the real problem is that after a year or so, no one remembers the movie and they really don't remember people in it. So in our heads the question eventually becomes, what HAS Dennis Quaid done lately? (At least for the movie geek at heart.)

Sure, she's pretty hot (and not just for someone her age), but what the hell has she been in?
(The photograph of Sharon Stone is by Rita Molnár and is available under a Creative Commons License.)

I’m calling this situation the “oh yeah” phenomenon. The “oh yeah” comes from having the information in front of you and finally remembering what you forgot. Without realizing it, it's popped out of your mouth. Like when my boyfriend somehow forgot Clive Owen was in the movie Sin City. (Especially since he's his favorite character in the movie.)

Part of this phenomenon is you forget the obvious movies people were and in and search the back of your mind for some obscure cameo they were in. The other day I was watching The Princess Bride with my mother and she kept saying over and over again that she recognized Buttercup from some movie but just couldn't remember it. I started to spout off some movies like Message in a Bottle, She's So Lovely, White Oleander but none rang a bell for her. Finally after crying uncle I looked her up. Remember that really popular Tom Hanks movie made about ten years ago that grossed like half a billion dollars (back when that was still impressive) and won a boat load of Academy Awards? Yeah I forgot that she was in that too.

I have found that the most likely candidate that causes this phenomenon has found their niche in other forms of Hollywood, but has also been in movies. Some have found their place in TV or doing voice over work. In general their movie spots just don't click.

Forget the obvious people where the name is bigger than the film: The Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, and that Clooney guy. This might work in the opposite sense. You know the name but can’t remember what they were in that made them so famous. Or you get flustered by the number of movies they were in and then don’t know where to start and draw a blank.

And forget about the actors that I mention that you only pretend to know who I mean and then scramble to imdb to find out who they are. Example: Alan Rickman, Alan Ruck, Alan Tyduk, or Alan Cummings (sense a theme going on?).

Some people you can instantly associate with a movie. Example: Jessica Simpson and The Dukes of Hazzard and Robert Patrick from T2. Let's face it, Harrison Ford is Harrison Ford, but Mark Hamill has a few more blockbusters to make before he sheds that whole Luke Skywalker thing. I do, however, give him extra points for being the voice of the Joker in the Batman cartoons.

These three examples do not count as part of this phenomenon. Don’t be fooled.

Don’t believe me? Just as a test: Name me three movies with Julianne Moore. When you’ve given up click here and scan the page. It may not come out of your mouth, but when you have that “oh yeah” moment, then you’ll know I’m not as crazy as I sound.

A Thank You to Advertisers

Well this is not to all of them. Especially not to those who came up with those Applebee's commercials with the two guys with guitars singing about salads and ribs to what was once enjoyable music. Or even before when they were no guys but the same butchering of good tunes with new food appropriate lyrics. Don't even get me started on that Kraft cheese one with the crumbled cheese being introduced as "crumbelievable".

No, this declaration of gratitude is to those ad men and women who decided to put the name of the song and the artist in the bottom corner of their commercials. Now I know in general it's a brilliant move to not only promote the product, but to spark (or in some cases renew) the public's interest in the song. But for me, it's time I don't have to spend on the internet trying to figure out what the hell that song was.

Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. You listen for lyrical cues to type into google and pray you get a hit. Most of the time I have to scan message boards with no search options and recheck to see if what one person claims to be the song is actually right. Anyone who has watched an iPod commercial has done it and knows my frustration. To spare a few of you still looking, try Adtunes. They have a search engine and a lot of people have commented on the more popular and recent commercials.

For you hard core trailer watching types who have been searching for classical and instrumentals, I think a good starting point is Soundtracknet:Trailers. I'm weird and looked long and hard for the music from the movie trailers Unfaithful and Vanity Fair (that eventually became the theme to the TV show Cold Case). This site guided me to the song "Nara" by E.S. Posthumous. And if you want some good background music playing while you're hatching some diabolical scheme, listen to their song "Elba". So good.

It sounds like a bit much for trailer and TV music but trust me, there was a huge response to the music from the Spiderman 2 trailer ("Lacrimosa" by Immediate Music, another amazing source for trailer music). And I know I'm not the only one that loved the music from the Volkswagen commercials that came out about eight years ago. (The ones that stick out in my head: Sunday Afternoon featuring Trio’s "Da Da Da"; Synchronicity featuring a just getting started Sarah Clarke and Master Cylinder’s "Jung at Heart"; and Crazy Guys featuring Tony (Arrested Development’s Buster Bluth) Hale and Styx’s "Mr. Roboto". Feel free to blast me if I left out your favorite because I know I missed many.) And wasn’t it a Gap commercial that renewed the swing dance craze?

So the next time you hear a catchy tune on TV or in a movie and spend the next few months wondering what the hell it was, you'll understand why I'm offering my thanks to that little artist blurb in the corner. Now if only I could figure out that music from the TV spots of You, Me, and Dupree. (No, not "Stuck in the Middle" by Stealer's Wheel.) It's an instrumental tune that was also used in the trailer for the movie Dave. So anyone one want to help me out? There a gratitude post on this site in it for you. You tell me that's not tempting.

Celebrity Sighting #5-6

A thousand apologies as these happened a while ago. I have no excuses. I just am a procrastinator. On May 5th, I had my first experience going to a live taping of a TV show. I was in the audience of The Tonight Show. So a blur of my head or possibly my jacket was on TV. YES! That means I have roughly fourteen minutes, fifty-nine and a half seconds of fame left. The guests included Denis Leary, Bob Uecker (which was awesome) and Dem Franchize Boys. For musical people (I wouldn't call them musicians or singers so much as a bunch of guys with microphones) they weren't terrible. But I only had to listen to them for a few minutes. Too damn loud though. I also got to see how they warm up the crowd before they tape. My boyfriend's sister got to go up to the stage and take a picture with Jay Leno so that was kind of cool.

The major thing I learned during this experience: as fun as it is to watch the show at home, there are so many people behind the scenes that put the show together. Too bad the glory is isolated to the guy who hosts. I tried to make small talk with the people ushering us in. I saw the ties they were wearing and asked if they were for sale. (Sadly it's not, but I got a shot of it.)

And on one of my frequent trips to the bathroom, I made a joke with two of the security people. I told them to remember my face and made a mime like gesture around my head to help them remember. The guard I walked out with said it would be hard to forget it and he did the same gesture. I made him smile so I think I did good.

Now for my 6th sighting I was with my mom, aunt, uncle, and cousin at John Ascuaga's Nugget. (For frequent visitors, it's just called the Nugget.) This was Sunday, May 28th. In an effort to not go to the ATM and lose more money playing the slots, my aunt got us (comped) tickets to see Delbert McClinton. Yeah, I had never heard of the man. But I have to say that it was a good thing. He was great. Don't know his music but I get the feeling that if I had, it would have bothered me because I enjoy hearing music as it was recorded. It was a sold out show and we got great seats, though t was a tight squeeze for the five of us. Good music but again, really loud. There was an encore and all that stuff. My experience with concerts is very limited. My dad took me and my sister to see New Kids on the Block when I was like eight. (It's surprising how humiliating it was to admit that right now.) Good concert and when I get my hearing back it will be an overall good time. Here's the kicker though. After the show room cleared out I saw the guitar player walking through the casino. I ran to catch up with him, effectively freaking out my cousin who was panicked because she thought I was running for her. I caught up to him near the slot machines and told him I really enjoyed the show and he did a great job. He smiled and thanked me. I know it's weird, but I live for moments like that.

So that was me catching up my experiences two months later. Hopefully I will get with the program sometime soon. For now, if I post once a month, I'll be happy.

The End of Season Finale Season

It was a wonderful feeling I had last night. I got into bed at 9:15 PM and without a care in the world passed out. I haven't had that luxury on a Sunday night for a long time. What occurred to me is that I can relax and not be a slave to my television.

I have to say that the last few weeks have been especially brutal for me (or anyone who does not own TiVo). I found myself making notes of which season finales and series finales I would be watching. Ordinarily I have myself making a commitment to only Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy (which fortunately were on in one sitting, but now I'll be screwed when Grey moves to Thursdays next season). But at this time of year, I'd rather see the episodes than read about them in Entertainment Weekly.

Even though I failed to watch these shows regularly I found that I had to see the last of Malcolm in the Middle, That '70s Show and Will & Grace. With each episode I felt a sadness not because of the plotlines, but the fact that I was in high school when these shows started. And I remember watching these shows when then started. I guess it just makes me feel seasoned. I have to say though that I was touched by the ending of Malcolm in the Middle. And I agree with Lois even though she is as harsh as she is. There is more to be gained from working your way to the top than having everything handed to you. As for That '70s Show, I guess from the last episode that home is where the heart is? Or was it how you should stick with the tight knit group you always have? I guess it works in the '70s.

Okay, I have to admit that by the time the fifth season of Will & Grace rolled around, I wasn't watching at all. Personally I think the show peaked with the episode A Chorus Lie with Matt Damon. I have to say though that it's hard to be sad that this show is ending because syndication is bloated with its episodes. I swear at 11PM it is on three different channels. (It might work as a variation of the Caine/Hackman theory from PCU. At any time, 24 hours a day you can find a Gene Hackman or Michael Caine movie on. Only for this it might be the Will & Grace/Law & Order theory.) The finale was sweet but a bit forced on the “they're meant to be together” idea. I guess I'm glad it was done in a way that did not require them to sacrifice there quests for true love. Then again I felt it was all a bit hokey. Though the dose of reality of people aren't friends forever was refreshing. Then again I watch TV to escape from harsh realities. I guess in the end, I laughed enough, I was touched, thanks for the memories.

So for the shows that will be back next fall I admit that the second season of Desperate Housewives did not have me enthralled. If anything I was relieved to finally be done with caring. With Grey's Anatomy, I'm happy that I'm not left wondering about next season for the length of the summer. As it turns out the only cliff hanging I'm really wondering about is Burke. I doubt he'll be off the show, but what exactly are they going to do with him? He better not become an ass. Speaking of doctors who are asses, after watching the finale of House I remembered why I like the show, but do not watch it very much. I love Hugh Laurie and I must admit I have a thing for surly doctors on TV, but the show tends to show more medical stuff than I care to watch. Those of you who saw the finale will probably agree with me that the show is superb, but watching a guy's eye pop out of his head and hang from the socket is a bit much. It became too much when the guy's testicle exploded. I don't even have a set, but I was in pain watching that.

For my comedies, I found myself watching My Name is Earl. I don't even like that show but I watched it just to make sure that I didn't miss The Office. I love Jim. I love Pam. I love Jim and Pam. After what I saw this last episode I have to agree what I read in EW: DO NOT SCREW THIS UP! Finally there's Scrubs. Still on. According to its official website, it will still be on next year. That's all that matters. Back to my surly doctors bit, I love Cox and Jordan. In real life, I wouldn't, but how can you not love their dynamic? I can't wait to be like that.

In the end, it was a pretty decent finale season. I promised myself that I wouldn't get sucked into the summer programming bonanza and get out and life my own life. Then again, it is maybe there's a sale on TiVos this week. Then I can have my cake and watch it too.

Preserving Your Memories Through Entertainment Media

I remember it as if it were yesterday. George Lucas destroying my childhood by announcing that only the new digitally enhanced versions of the Star Wars trilogy would be available on DVD. (Okay the man did not destroy my childhood, but he did selfishly decide to withhold the old versions because his artistic vision was the second version and that's what we should be forced to enjoy.) When they first came out, I refused to watch the new ones because they were not what I would quote with my father back and forth at the dinner table when I was eight years old. Greedo shooting first? Jabba the Hutt in the first one? Who cares about a more realistic futuristic background? I want my Star Wars.

When I was younger, I found an old Star Wars VHS early 90's re-release in the bargain bin at Blockbuster. It completed my copies of The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi that I had recorded off of USA so long ago. (You wouldn't turn in a child who doesn't understand the concept of copyrighted materials would you? I just wanted to be a Jedi.) Who would have thought that with $4.99 and two blank tapes I was helping preserve my childhood memories? My three year old niece had dug them out recently and she constantly has them playing over and over again. Or at least did before my sister bought her Carebears DVDs. I think we are determined to make these children live the 80's as we did. (Or at least they lived in the 80's while I was born then but watched all of their stuff. Hehehe, ALF.)

Thinking about Star Wars and all those other movies I watched repeatedly until my parent wanted to curse the man who invented VCRs, I got nostalgic about old movies I loved. I started to find them at Best Buy and without even thinking (or even renting them again) I bought them. I wanted them because I remember enjoying them. But what you loved at eight or even twelve may not translate well by the time you can drink and play craps (hopefully not at the same time).

I tried to ignore the general feeling that these movies weren't all that great. I know most were guilty pleasures, but for some reason, The Cutting Edge wasn't as great as I remember. When I watched Dirty Dancing for the first time in like a decade, I was stunned. I understand why my parents didn't bother to explain everything in specifics. Penny was sick okay I remember that...wait, that was an abortion? Holy crap! So I was picking up on things that were more adult or realized the writing and acting aren't so great. Or both.

It happened with Little Giants (shut up), Ace Ventura (admit you loved it), While You Were Sleeping (again shut up) and Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death (I can't tell you to shut up here because I've rendered you speechless). I know now these are all stupid movies that I loved for no reason. Or didn't know better.

So what if this happens with Star Wars? What if it's true what my friends have been telling me? What if Luke was as much of I whiner as Jake Lloyd was? What if I start to root for Darth Vader to kill him like I prayed for the death of Jar-Jar all those times? What if I want to strangle Yoda because he speaks more annoyingly than that little guy in Twin Peaks? And then I realized that in order to save my love of Star Wars completely, I would have to do the unthinkable: never watch it again. I think for the sake of preserving the happy childhood memories I'll make this sacrifice.

So what has hard core Star Wars fans buzzing lately? Apparently George Lucas has announced that they WILL be releasing the original versions but in a package that forces you to buy all of them. So I have to buy the crappy versions I don't want in order to get the original versions I will not watch. What about all those people that caved and bought the trilogy back then? They have to shell out even more for something they already own. I guess Lucas has no more space stories to tell because he's using his creative power to screw over all his fans. I have to say though that as far as profits are concerned, the man is brilliant. Evil, but brilliant.