With Respect to the East Coast

Before the most recent new stories coming out about the many lives lost, I heard very little about Hurricane Sandy. In fact due to the headlines I saw, I thought Sandy was the name of some political candidate making an ass of himself.  When only a few things were reported, I was hopeful that the news people were just blowing things out of proportion as per usual and thought we'd all get through this okay like with El Niño. (That is, I got through it okay. My apologies to those who had to deal with destruction or loss of life.) Naturally my thoughts went to another instance of tragedy though. Enjoy as you feel appropriate.

 Some forget this entire sketch was great. Too bad what I could find it was only Farley's part.

But Halftime is When I Need to Pee

So much work and practice to go into an amazing thing and it's all just ten minutes. I think this deserves so much more applause than the Superbowl halftime shows. Especially the Black Eyed Peas one. And these guys don't even get paid. Let's celebrate their hard work.

Hey Everyone! Don't Look at Me!

My boss once said to me that no one over thirty should have a non-normal ringtone. Of course this was over four years ago and the theme from The Office was what told me someone wanted to chat with me. Oh, how the times have changed and now everyone in my office over forty has a personalized tone while I just have a default repetitive ring.

It may have to do with how easy it is to set up a personal tone. At least that would explain why my boss has ruined the beginning riff of Baba O'Riley for me. But why have I switched to a ringtone that screams "Hey you damn kids, get off my non existent lawn!"? Well, for starters, The Office jingle was fun, but since I don't watch it anymore, I feel like it isn't right to have that be my ringtone. I'm no longer The Simpsons girl I was in my youth despite the fact that tune is timeless. For a little while I had the theme from Entourage but that was me acknowledging this bond my brother and I had enjoying marathons of the show. After a while I felt like a poser using it. Since I got the new phone, I stayed on the most basic tune I could tolerate, though I did dabble with Mah Nà Mah Nà from The Muppets. (That got annoying after three calls).

What I've come to understand about me and personalization is that I like to blend in the crowd. I don't understand personalized license plates, bumper stickers that tell me that you're a closed minded douche bag (I'm translating the anti non Jesus ones.), plate frames that share that you whored yourself to your husband to get the car I'm behind, and so on. For a little while I needed a self esteem boost and put my University Alumni plate frame on my car of I can feel good about one of my greatest life accomplishments. Now I feel like I'm just trying to hold on to some glory of my youth. 

My wardrobe consists of just one T-shirt with writing on it.  I'm mildly uncomfortable wearing it because the display of my fondness for the geek culture is a little too "Look at me and the writing on my boobs!". That being said, you can be sure that I would never get a pair of pants that have "Princess" written on my ass. (Unless I was attempting to being a slut hipster.)

When I was planning my wedding, people kept trying to tell me that I needed a theme. The blogs kept showing these elaborate wedding decorations, invites, and cakes around one unifying pop culture reference or something. Cute for internet infamy, but I'm not sure how much I would like to be married by Admiral Ackbar.

I have friends with personalized plates and they are a special nod to them. It has to do with them and those don't bother me as much as the ones that have a vomit inducing seven character combo that they HEART their GR8 kids or something about their lord and savior. I think we need to go back to the days of it's no one's business, I think I'll leave these little things inside my head. That being said, I need to recheck my privacy settings on Facebook before I go submit my resume. That picture of me with a gun may give people the wrong impression. Or the right one.

Ewww...Disney

While on a trip to Fry's and hovering by the podium while three people attempted to authorize my requested price matching, I realized my elbows were on a list meant for inventory purposes. Fry's Electronics has been the spot of many computer, software, game, and DVD purchases in my adult life, but for those who do not know, they also have a special section for adults. They have the black plastic protecting the eyes of children who wander in, but it's a little fun at times to go in and think "some people pay for this?"

So this inventory list was filled with, you guessed it, DVDs with some amusing titles. Being an adult and all, I tried to ignore it, but it was more difficult to ignore (what I was assuming) two DVDs that were close to the list that I decided were returns and needed to be put back on the shelf. Looking closer I realized that one was not meant to be in the special section but was actually a Disney title that could be translated into porn. The best part was underneath it was a porn title that was taken from a popular Disney title. (I know it was public domain, but it was popularized by Disney.) This was the laugh I got for a very frustrating day. I'll let you enjoy it as well.

Can you imagine this in the Disney Vault?

Samples and Swatches

I have to give my love to Todd in the Shadows. Since watching his wonderful commentaries on pop music, my music wish list has grown. And a lot of the time, it is full of music I'm a little ashamed that I want. But in addition to that, my game of music roulette has morphed from will we hear Adele or Lady Gaga first to taking a running tally of songs reviewed by Todd to see which one wins.

His recent review of Pittbull's Back in Time (I must point out that I had never heard of Pitbull until I saw the review of Give Me Everything) had me revisit a previous observation I had that about remakes or songs that sample. When I was younger, I considered this practice blasphemy. I was too naive to understand this is a long time practice and sadly I admit that I was well into high school when I realized that Queen is responsible for Vanilla Ice's we'll call "fame". But many songs that I liked that I thought were pure were remakes of lesser know artists (I think is the best way to go. Enhance a little known song and improve. Or place a flavor and make it your own. It is really difficult to improve that which is already considered to be wonderful and what is the point if it is a generic version. Yeah I mean you, MADONNA!) So now that I've become less judgmental, I understand remakes and samples have their place in the world.

I will point out however, that most of the time remakes and samples not done with care will end up ruining both songs for me. If you did listen to Back in Time, the guitar riff from Mickey and Sylvia's Love is Strange is great. I do not know why he decided to take the same chorus and having a hard time figuring out how "you're the one" works with the rest of the song. I bet it was like the free pile at a garage sale. Pitbull was already picking so even though he didn't need it, he already stole the riff so might as well take the chorus. Well, the techno beat added to the song and speeding it up is now what has been pounded into my head. I'm a little ashamed to admit I like the song, but my husband points out that I like the original song so the sum of its parts is good if not better. But now if I go back and listen to the original, it's too damn slow for my enjoyment. So Back in Time leaves something to be desired and Love is Strange is too slow to be enjoyed. Screw you Pittbull. And while I'm at it, fuck you Sean Kingston for killing Ben E. King and a mild slap on the wrist to Me First andtThe Gimmee Gimmees for Walking on Sunshine. I like that song, but their version isn't on the radio as much as their now too slow predecessor. 

Some do get it right. The Fugees' Killing Me Softly does not step on Roberta Flack's version. The Fugees changed the pace but since it did not speed it up the delicacy of Roberta Flack's version remains in tact. In fact, they sped it up in some spots and slowed it down in others so how can we be pissed? Well, my mom is, but that's okay.

Lesson is be original, people. You will not have this problem with an original idea. You'll have other problems, but still. I know that it is difficult to hear a declaration to be original from someone who is half ripping off Todd in the Shadows. Fine, I'll take off my mask (As far as you know).

Magic Abs

The other night I had a dream that it would be a good idea to see Magic Mike. I do not care for Channing Tatum and he kind of annoys me because for someone who is very famous, he hasn't been in very much (sort of like Clive Owen) and it makes it difficult to explain who the hell he is. My husband thinks Dakota Fanning every time his name comes up. Makes sense since they both have last names as first names.

I think the hard part of the male stripper movie is that I will probably see this before Goodfellas or Apocalypse Now. Before you take away my Entertainment Junkie status, let me point out that these are very important movies that I hesitate to watch because they are considered to be holy in many circles. The last time I watched a movie that fit into the category of excellent film making, it was Glengarry Glen Ross and it hurt me to watch it.

I'll call it a great film, but I do not want to watch important films with my tiny window of time between work and sleep. I want to laugh or feel more than vicarious desperation. I will admit that while my time is precious, I took a weekend to watch three Twilight films. Again, before the outrage comes out, they were laced with Rifftrax. I made a decision to be an informed hater of Twilight and the jokes inter-spliced made it possible to not want to kill myself like Bella tried in the second one(or something).

You may be thinking, oh sure, you have time for the movies with guys who are constantly shirtless, what's up with that? Coincidence. I find that movie pulp seems to include shirtless men since women seem to have money too. Also, you people are sick because Taylor Lautner was underage in those movies and you know with my Josh Hutcherson crush, I like them legal and not Taylor Lautner. I sway more in the direction of Doctor Vampire or Mustache Dad. The point is they all have their clothes on so leave me alone.

God Bless Garfunkel and Oates

Eventually I will get to my post about the politics of Facebook and what one should post, but because the majority of my Facebook friends are mothers, it is best my thoughts are here instead.

Garfunkel and Oates have wonderfully captured my pain and put it in a song that had me feel a little better after having issues on Mother's Day. I had a theory that Mother's Day is to Valentine's Day as non-mothers are to singles, but then my husband pointed out that it shouldn't be non-mothers, it should be orphans. (This also explains why he did so much better on the SATs than I did. Also, I didn't study.)

So I would like to extend my gratitude to these two fantastic artist that have put a great spin on my issues. They are helping me not hate and instead laugh.