I didn't like that I was shamed in a Blockbuster because I only would come to the store to exchange the movies on average once per day. I made it up to two times a few days. The lady at the counter see she'd see people coming in three times a day. Sometimes I miss being unemployed. (My apologies to the unemployed. Yes, these are trying times, but I bet your closet is cleaned and organized and you don't have to watch back logged episodes of Modern Family.)
I finally was convinced by my boyfriend to rent some movies. He wanted to see Inglourious Basterds and District 9. There is a reason that I haven't been in a movie theater or a Blockbuster for almost a year (and the answer is NOT Netflix). If I have already told the story, tune out until you see the ***.
I spent my late elementary, junior high, and early high school years consuming movies. I wish I was kidding, but I would go on a Friday and rent about six movies for my weekend. Yes, I did have friends, but no car, so screw that. It did continue until high school and some of college, but then I picked a hard major and didn't have as much time. When I came out with my degree, I forgot the intoxicating rush of seeing a great movie. I had moved on to great TV. Each episode had people I already cared about in captivating moments, whether I'm laughing my butt off or drawn into the intense action. Movies have to try harder when they try to cram that into two hours. In fact, TV left very little room in my heart left for movies to have a chance. The point is, I like the comfort of TV and this left me very skeptical of using up my life on what's not a sure thing.
*** So approaching the check out with District 9, Inglourious Basterds, The Hangover, and Paranormal Activity, We were told that for eighteen bucks, we could do the unlimited two at a time for a week. Considering we were about to drop over twenty for four movies it seemed like a good deal. I knew that I had to think about it. If I were to do the "buffet style" of renting movies, I was to do nothing but watch for the next seven days. I discussed it with my boyfriend and we decided to give up our lives for the sake of mass media consumption.
We started with the two we originally came for. You know, Inglourious Basterds was good, but I forgot that Tarantino is a messed up guy. I should have realized that I was going to see a lot of death. I expected some, but for some reason was still shocked. Well, as shocked as one can be who has seen every other Tarantino movie. I had heard good things about District 9 and it did not disappoint. It didn't entertain as much as it did impress me. I know thirty million is a lot for a movie, but for the movie that I saw, they did a fantastic job.
We went back for The Hangover and Paranormal Activity. Okay, I admit that when you wait to see a movie and hear everyone talks about how great it is, you will set yourself up for disappointment. The Hangover was funny, I just expected more. Now I should have know that horror movies mess me up. Especially when they are in the "Jaws" state of mind where freaking myself out over the things I think I might see make the movie even more effective. Damn you, Paranormal Activity! I could not get the last image out of my head for three days. Ewwwwwww.
Next wave was The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard and The Perfect Getaway. I needed to watch a low expectations funny movie (see: Zoolander or Let's Go to Prison) and The Goods did its job. When you have lines like "It feels like a Smurf jizzed all over my face" and "James Van Der Beek, my nigger!" that's good times. I personally did not watch The Perfect Getaway as I had read the plot online. One of the couples is evil. OOOOOOOOO(hands waiving). I had a theory, checked with The Movie Spoiler, confirmed I was right, and then moved on with my life.
I went back by myself and got (500) Days of Summer. That was a cute movie. Well acted, directed, and written. It had real heart and that was enough. Okay, we both decided to see Up together. How dare you, Pixar? I don't live far from your studios, so I will gladly go over there and kick your ass if you ever make me cry that hard again. This brilliant arrangement of imagery and music in the first twenty minutes left me in a heap of tears that continued even during the fun parts and through the heartwarming protagonist's moment of revelation. I'm grateful that Up canceled out the horrid scene of Paranormal Activity that haunted me, but I don't like that I started to tear up again in Best Buy two days later when I saw it for two minutes with the sound off.
By this point I had to go back to work and I was starting to get movie fatigue, but I was determined to get to less that two dollars per rental. I rented Spring Breakdown because I'm a fan of the SNL ladies trying to give it a go. Also, I believe Jane Lynch to be the female Alan Rickman. One who instantly make any movie at least thirty percent better. It was okay. Had some good moments, but I understand why it has a limited release.
When I went back, I picked up Adventureland, but I asked for a recommendation from the store clerk. She mentioned The Hangover, which I promptly responded, "done!" Then she mentioned Fanboys. Of course! I forgot about that one but I was glad she mentioned it. I don't like that I knew as many references as I did and I had to pause and look up any one that I didn't. It's a shame it got pushed back and shelved like it did so it couldn't have the impact that it should have, but I liked it. I hope enough others did too so more good movies like it can be made.
Eventually I did go back for Adventureland. While (500) Days of Summer had indie heart, Adventureland had retro heart. But I don't like any movie that makes me not like Ryan Reynolds. Good and entertaining overall.
Our last round was Extract and the second recommendation I got from a Blockbuster clerk: Outlander. I had to support Mike Judge after Office Space and Idiocracy. Here was the problem with Extract though. I did not like anyone in that movie. I hate entitled people. I hate whiners. I hate pushovers. I hate people who try to get away with less that their fair share. Couldn't relate to anyone and didn't even want to bother. I knew nothing about Outlander when we rented it. The box said Beowulf meets Predator. That wasn't a wrong description. No expectations plus decent premise plus Ron Perlman equals okay, but can't think of what else to get, so no regrets. And also, made it to thirteen total movies. Goal achieved. Whooo!
Well, I guess my movie buffet adventure is over and I'm grateful. Time to move onto my TV I got for Christmas marathon. That would involve a season of House, The Office, The Closer, Psych, and Family Guy. You know, I probably could have have knocked out a few discs if I hadn't typed this. Oh well, wish me luck.
