Oscars: Interrupting My Regularly Scheduled Programming

If you were to look at articles about the Oscars, many have mentioned how more and more people are just not watching them. A lot of pressure was put on Jon Stewart (and first time host Chris Rock before him) to not only not pull a Letterman, but to draw in the crowds. I have to defend the wonderful Mr. Stewart. The burden should not be on his shoulders. He brings in the audience for The Daily Show, something he has some control over. Now if he gets to write some of his jokes and things for the Oscars, then good for him, but it's not his fault that for some reason the damn thing drags on for hours and hours. I think the people who really enjoy the show are the ones that have a little gold man to put on their shelf when the evening is over. It's a big party that celebrities get to have and there happens to be cameras there. Why can't we just enjoy the movies that are being honored instead of the show to honor them?

I can offer up my excuses for not watching the Oscars. To be honest, why watch them when I can just read about it after they're over? Tonight I held open a screen on imdb that kept updating the winners. Ever five minutes or so I just hit refresh and BAM! I knew George Clooney won for best supporting actor. BAM! Rachel Weisz for The Constant Gardener. Not to be mean or anything but this is a lot easier and I don't have to sit through those really bad acceptance speeches. In addition to the constant updates, I have Entertainment Weekly (as well as every other publication on earth) predicting the winners. I use EW because they have a pretty good track record for predicting these things. They were pretty much right on the money for the big contenders. Finally, I have to agree with the most recent article I read (which may or may not be from my local paper, I can't remember): the Oscars are pretty much a big popularity contest.

I plan to write about this again some time in more dept but Hollywood is just a big high school. I was really rooting for Paul Giamatti, Catherine Keener, and Felicity Huffman (Kudos to Philip Seymour Hoffman though, he's been that guy behind the famous guys for long enough). But that's has nothing to do with their performances. I just wanted the popularity vote to somehow be overridden. All the other years the best actress went to the one who could transform themselves into unattractive characters. Now the one time I wanted that rule to take affect, it gets cancelled out by Reese Witherspoon. Come on. I don't care how cute or likable people think she is. I actually tuned in to see who won best actress and I heard her rambling about her character and then jumping in to say she's a real person. For people who spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on their clothes, hair, publicity you would think for "Hollywood's biggest night" they could throw down a few bucks to a professional writer to ask, hey does this sound okay? You know, just ask your spouse or significant other or mom or doctor. Call your stylist or something. Just realize you are in freaking show business. You get paid millions to channel characters. The least you can do is not suck in the character you don't need to put in effort to channel.

And don't get me wrong, I love George Clooney, but he's such the homecoming king. I still haven't forgiven him for Ocean's Twelve (another celebrity party with a camera involved). Academy member thoughts: Yeah he won’t get the other two so let's throw him this bone. Hey, you ignore Sigourney Weaver one year and Juliane Moore another, but for Clooney, what the hell?

Overall the evening was pretty straight forward on winners. The refresh thing worked out perfectly until Best Picture. I actually yelled "what the F@#&*%?" when my expectations were incorrect and Crash was named Best Picture. I haven't seen it myself but I have heard many people were upset over Brokeback Mountain taking the spotlight away from this picture. I really hope that Crash winning was a result of people remembering that this film deserved the reward and not a political statement. You can't have the Best Picture tell the American public that it's okay to be in love AND be gay. Best Picture should be about racism, getting famous by killing people, lusting after teenagers, sympathizing with the mob, and coming to the big city to whore yourself out. But a gay love story it just too much.

I shouldn't say anything. It just feels like I'm in a high school cafeteria looking at the popular crowd talking about the big game this weekend while I'm in the corner table thinking about how I have to work then. No more giving into the bitterness. Next post I will simply return to my deep thoughts roots: so what the hell was up with Naomi Watt's dress? Sorry, sorry, I'll be back. I swear.