Choices...Take Them Away!

May has been a tough month for me. I was anticipating the graduations and confirmations for months in advance so watching family members transition from one part of life to another was an expected punch to my brain. What I didn't expect was to come home to my husband with a concerned, but strangely happy look on his face with the news that he was to be laid off in two weeks. The smile was from all the perks they were throwing at him before they gave him the boot. "No paycheck, but whatever you can carry out of your office that isn't bolted down is yours." 

For two weeks I went through a nervous period of preparing myself with being the sole breadwinner. To soothe my control freak, my husband began his job search and through a series of calls, interviews, and negotiations, was hired on with a new company making very much more money and receiving better benefits. My sigh of relief very quickly turned into a downward spiral of cries from depression. What I knew since the day I met him was smacking me in the face eleven years later. This man has more potential, intelligence, and will accomplish more than I could ever hope. That's why I locked him down early while he was an insecure mess of a college freshman.

Of course this is good news for us and our familial unit. But as a hard nosed, "get the hell away from me I can do it myself" girl, this was a huge blow to my ego. My mother-in-law without knowing how much this has damaged my self esteem keeps telling me that it's okay, and he can take care of us when it's time to.....It occurred to me she hasn't blatantly stated let the man take care of you, and make some babies, but the words don't have to come out of her mouth for the message to sting my uterus.

So baby issues, job issues, I've taken a few blows from work it make me realize that I'm horribly unhappy there, but I've been testing myself to see what the breaking point is to leave a well paying job five minutes from home. Seeing other people's successes are enough to make me cry and throw tantrums like a five year old. Hearing my sister ask me what's wrong and relieved that it's only about work crushes me even more and teaches me that my first instinct to never share my petty problems with people who have children (and therefore real problems) was correct.

This has become a bit heavy for an entertainment blog so what is my point in sharing all this? Well, back in September I received a "gift" of a newspaper subscription from my boss. I quote the word gift because my boss didn't tell me when the paper started to come to the office that is was for me. When he did, he told me that he got it from my other bosses son's fund raiser, he already got the paper so, you know, Merry Christmas. Then December 28th rolled around and I realized he wasn't kidding. That was my Christmas present. It is a great present in general, but it was a steak served to me on a trash can. I keep getting letters telling me my subscription is about to end and I couldn't be happier because during my busy period I'm letting them stack up and can't get to them. I hate being wasteful and I will read all the articles I can. 

This weekend I left the office with a two week's worth of pile in the corner. I was pissed that I forgot them at the office and couldn't use the weekend to catch up. So I walk in and the pile is gone. It occurred to me that the cleaning service people saw them next to the recycling bin and not in their usual pile next to my filing cabinet so they gathered them up and took them away. Before I get judged that the maid stile my precious not appreciated present from my diamond encrusted cubicle, everyone shut up, this is my life.

I was pissed for about five seconds because my project was taken from me. Then I was happily relieved. Something thrown on me that I just let accumulate like the very reason I avoid a Netflix subscription was taken from my possession, against my choice, and it is glorious. If you were to read the blog Get Rich Slowly, this would be referred to as The Tyranny Of Stuff. But for me it was the Tyranny of Choice. I was happy to have this tiny burden lifted from me. It now makes me sad to have such a small thing bring me such great comfort. 

Sort of a sad commentary on my life as of late. But I will find courage to face my well paid husband and show him that if he wants to take care of me, he can go fuck himself. I'm just kidding, my husband is very supportive my bringing home the Bacos.

My Gift, My Curse

One of my oldest and closest friends celebrated her birthday last week. I'm having issues. This has been a problem for a while. Gift giving is a competitive sport for me with no other participants. Her husband had a birthday back in February and my issues were minimized because the stakes were lower. We got him a book and a DVD. 

But I had to think was this a book he'd enjoy? There is no guarantee that he would just because he liked the author. Also, it's only available in hard cover, and that's a pain in the ass. Would have he preferred the electronic format and does he even have an e-reader? Fortunately, I knew he is a collector and would want a prominent copy on his bookshelf, but the only copy we could find at Target had a slashed cover. Who the hell knows if a copy was at Barnes and Noble and how much more we'd have to pay out of the ass to get it?

After all that was said and done, he posted on Facebook that it was his favorite book to date. SCORE. But my brain did not stop the train wreck of getting someone a gift. What to do when they are done consuming it and the space it takes up? Do they want a hard or digital or both copy of it? What happens when I give them something they have never experienced and it turns out they don't like it and I've wasted their lives with the experience? A gift is a very personal thing to me that says so much about my relationship with a person. And this is coming from someone who grew up exchanging cash with her parents for Christmas.

So back to my friend. During her birthday celebration we talked about how she has so little time to go out and do things since having her daughter. Not to mention a random conversation came up about not buying the things you have functional but not fun versions. I know I shouldn't give a crap if the knives and forks aren't a matching set since I have them, but something about that set of eight with matching serving utensils is so great. Damn girly shit. Finally, the conversation of being sick and tired of shopping at Winco because it's filled with...ummm...less desirable people. Okay, ghetto people. 

So my brain has gone in several directions of getting her a gift card to Raley's for a ghetto free shopping experience. Then it went to a matching set of glassware and utensils so she can get that which she never thinks to get herself. They there's the old standby of a gift certificate to get her a manicure and pedicure while getting her mom to watch the baby so she can relax for an hour. Let's not forget my uber-grandma version of a gift of shaving a payment off her student loan. What about all of the above? But them am I an asshole for going too far? It is my business to buy someone kitchen stuff without consulting their preferences? And grocery shopping is not gift (as I've heard from normal people. I still have starving college student thoughts I can't shake.) so much as a chore. And her mom is very busy right now. And how can I really organize that as if it's gift to take her child away? What if her husband and her have plans that day and I'm butting in? And student loans shit? That's not supposed to be my business. What ever happened to the ’80s reference T-Shirt gift? Oh, right, never been my style. I got them a Britta pitcher for Christmas. Someone help me.

If it's the thought that counts, I'm missing the point entirely and giving the most elaborate gift ever. It does not help that I want to give the world to everyone. That is everyone who means the world to me. Thank goodness it's only a handful of people. And most of them take cash.

Author's note: I realize that I have a similarly titled post from 2007. However the content is different and the stats provided show no views, so suck it. I'm leaving this as is. Wow, I have anger issues with my non existent readers.

Mind Games Make Me Hungry

I'm trying to avoid the media frenzy of The Hunger Games being released in less than twelve hours. I've read one review and that's all I'd like to do. I want to do the best that I can (despite the many times I've watched the trailer and a few clips) to go in pure. And by pure, I mean I read the book and will of course compare. I'm debating taking some time off work to see it early Friday afternoon. It should say something that I'm willing to go to the damn theater. I will not say that this is the thinking person's Twilight because thinking people would not dare have any reason to compare this to Twilight.

Here's the deal. After seeing the first trailer after fully consuming the trilogy I knew without hesitation that I would develop a crush on the actor playing Peeta. Hell, I already had a crush on Peeta. It was a natural transference. It came up in conversation with my husband and the second it came out of my mouth, I demanded that he go on IMDb to make sure I was not about to have a crush on a minor and have to lock myself up until he was legal. With this type of story telling, I might just (okay, I already do) have a crush on Jennifer Lawrence. It is difficult admitting this considering I have a long history of hating celebrities my age, let alone many, many years younger than me. But if the talent is there, let go of your hatred.

So being in the clear, I spoke of my (SIGH) Team Peeta affiliation with my sister who introduced me to the books. And by that, I mean she was a legitimate source that these are good instead of the books shoved into my face like a good chick book frenzy does. Actually, her endorsement came from saying it was not like Twilight and she is a fan. She said confidently you Hunger Games is no Twilight. After gushing that Woody Harrelson as Haymitch is the greatest casting idea since Kelsey Grammer as Beast, (Quick, someone come up with an amazing role for George Wendt!) she aligned herself with Team Gale.

I balked as I was not attached to Gale nor did I find a real reason to become attached. Many days later I read about Liam Hemsworth and girlfriend Miley Cyrus and felt once again to go into that "not until you're not a pedophile room" and sob, but instead thought how can I really have a crush on someone that not only has touched Miley Cyrus, no doubt the same day she was near a penis cake, but... wait I'll stop there.

Get off him you bitch! What?..... Oh. Never mind. He's all yours. (Image stolen from the internet here.)

My slip into my mother's territory of not knowing actor's names off the top of my head lead me to many uncomfortable days of thinking my beloved Peeta was portrayed by Thor's little brother, and not Josh Hutcherson. I blame the fact that their natural hair colors are the opposite of their characters.

 As Ricky Bobby once insightfully said, "Please be eighteen." (Image stolen from the internet here.)

For a time longer that I am comfortable admitting, I was pouting over this and didn't want to fall for Peeta in real time since I'm a fourth grader and am upset he touched that icky girl. I'm in the clear now, but what the hell is wrong with me?

Discomfort aside, I will pull myself up by my anxiety medication, make the trip to the discounted movie theater as to not get raped by box office prices, and enjoy this damn movie. I fear that in the coming month I will admit that I missed the movie in theaters and instead will just have to wait until DVD. But if there will be one straw that will get me to that large screen it will be two words: THE TOOCH!

Comedy In Moderation

I heard a rumor (and hopefully it will stay this way) that a Dwight Schrute spinoff is being considered. (Yes, I realize I can figure out the legitimacy of this rumor with a quick Google search, but I like to live in this small world of hope.) I enjoy Dwight's antics and he has made me laugh, but I imaging that the only way for this to be successful is if some other character can steal this show away from him. Dwight in the spotlight is too much. I've done research on this. 

Okay, not research, but I've done a sort of Doug Benson Build a Title style chain of how this doesn't work. I start with Adam Sandler.

Ben Stilller stole from Adam Sandler in Happy Gilmore.

Will Ferrell stole from Ben Still in Zoolander.

Steve Carell stole from Will Ferrell in Anchorman.

Seth Rogan  stole from Steve Carell in 40 Year Old Virgin.

Jason Segal stole from Seth Rogan in Knocked Up.

Russell Brand stole from Jason Segal in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Russell Brand was also in Arthur with Jennifer Garner who was in Juno with Dwight Schrute himself Rainn Wilson who was in Super with Kevin Bacon!

I went off the rails because I have not seen Get Him to the Greek, or Arthur and I'm not sure how the comedic stealing works when Jonah Hill is the real comic in charge and according to reviews, Arthur wasn't funny so how can you steal from it? I suppose the point is I'm happy that comedic big shots allow their cohorts to shine not truly realizing a little it being taken from them.

I guess a better lesson here is if you have all your ducks in a row Frasier style and give the familiar character some good people to work with, you can have a good thing develop. If you pluck a beloved character(I use this loosely) and put him in a new scenario so hijinks can ensue, get ready for a mid season replacement pronto.

Oscar Poop

Did anyone else notice that two of the nominees for Best Supporting Actress are both for roles of women who have a memorable scene involving poop? While these are two talented women that shared the screen together in The Nines, this of all things is what I noticed. I have a sneaking suspicion that it will be Octavia Spencer that will take home the prize even though Melissa McCarthy is quite funny in her role. 

I am pleased to see Gary Oldman get his first nomination even though he will lose to resident prom king George Clooney. I want "Muppet or Man" to win best song. This is kind of a strange and uneventful Oscar year. Will Jonah Hill get a big head now that he's lost all that weight and has an Oscar nomination?. I think Martin Scorsese has won the "He made it, slap an Oscar nomination on it like he's Steven Spielberg, (though ironically, let's leave Spielberg out for War Horse)" seal of approval. Kristen Wiig is getting Oscar recognition and didn't have to go Bill Murray or Eddie Murphy serious on us. (I bet she'll lose to Woody Allen so the balance is restored.)

I'm praying that one of these I have never heard of them so they must be foreign animated movies wins since it's  Kung Fu Panda 2, Rango, and Puss in Boots for best animated movie? And lastly, we now live in the world of Academy Award nominated Transformers: Dark of the Moon. I know it's a sound thing, but come on. My heart hurts. 

Oh well, I look forward to ignoring the telecast and refreshing my IMDb page that night.

SOPA, PIPA, Ppppppppbbbbtttttt!

I was just reading that the English Wikipedia will shut down for 24 hours in protest of SOPA and PIPA. (Read a message from the Wikimedia Foundation Executive Director here.) It is my understanding that Amazon and eBay have plans to do the same. I'm all for taking huge steps to make a point and I applaud these organizations (if they follow through) for doing this to send a message. 

However, like when the power goes out, how many times am I going to walk in, flip the switch and forget again what's happening? I need to order a new battery from Amazon and if I forget, I'll be pissed that I have to try really hard to remember again to make the order after the protest is over. (Man, I love my problems.)

I read that SOPA has been stopped yesterday, (Article I read here.) but the more I read other sources, it's been put on hold for the time being. I hate the idea that there is this hope that this bill is going away but then will be shoved in the back somewhere and passed with a Stop Killing Innocent Babies Bill. (Stole that one from Christopher Titus's podcast. Credit where credit is due.)

This use of the Internet and social media to create a frenzy has so far cancelled proposed debit fees, Verizon "because we can" fees, and something about helping other countries throw out horrible dictators in power. During Barack Obama's administration people will focus on how bad the economy is though so many are just running away from their financial responsibility and he's not really the reason for the fall of the country. At the same time, this is the the most amazing time to watch the people, not lobbyists or subcommittees get so much done by using their voice. Technology makes voices louder by giving them access to others also willing to fight. He doesn't get credit for this amazing show of the little man telling the government what is best for the country. 

What is my point? None really. I have thoughts to sort out, Internet videos to watch, liberties to exercise, and whether or not SOPA comes back with a vengeance, I will stand with my Internet brethren to make sure we do not lose one more freedom. Just remind me on my Facebook page so I know it's time to fight.

One Ring To Make Fun Of

Before he was my husband, my boyfriend made a pseudo tradition to watch the entire extended edition of the Lord of the Rings trilogy during Christmas time. I sort of liked this idea and would join him. Now that I have accepted his two rings, for some reason, I have fully embraced this now tradition and have transformed it to become more amusing than anything else.

When I first saw the movies in theaters, it was very easy to take the "gay hobbit" and "damn, Legolas is pretty" perspectives. It was compounded by two friends that were louder than me and we never looked back. However, as the count of times I've consumed these movies gets higher, I grew wiser and realized gay jokes lose their giggle factor after a while, Legolas is pretty like a woman, and holy crap, Karl Urban is dead sexy.

My point is, if this is going to be a yearly event where I annoy my children when I brake out the DVDs (or implant entertainment chips depending on when I finally bring life into this world) I need to step up my game and channel my inner Mike Nelson (or Joel Hodgson if you have issues with Mike.)

And so began my attempts to make my husband genuinely laugh instead of roll his eyes. I even started to pick up on the actual plot instead of waiting for the ring to burn in the fires of Middle Earth hell (spoiler alert!). I asked nerd questions and started to see the amazing layers delicately depicted.

But here's something I'm wondering. With The Hobbit being released next December and that being two parts, are we to add that to the yearly viewing? If so, when will I have time to wrap presents and resent Christmas? And in what order do we watch? What if it's like Phantom Menace and we have to pretend it never happened? I highly doubt it since we have the same person directing and George Lucas does not have his sweaty hands on it. But a girl can fear, can't she? And how am I supposed to cheer for Martin Freeman when I know he becomes sort of a douche later? Lord knows I never cheered on Darth Yippee, I'll Strangle My Wife So No One Else Can Hurt Her Skywalker.

Yeah, I guess I'll just have to wait it out. Before I know it, it'll be time for idiots to stand in line for a two dollar toaster again and I'll be proclaiming Frodo and Sam had the gayest bromance ever. That's gay in a pejorative sense, not homosexual. That makes it better, right?