My friends and co-workers have been hearing me go on and on about the book signing I wanted to go to. I asked for a day off from work which ended up being a half day due to wussiness on my part. I also hate San Francisco and have never ventured out there by myself. However, with the courage of a back pack full of supplies meant to ward off panic attacks, a jacket meant to prepare me for unusual California weather, and my Droid which will tell me where to go and how to get there, I went out to meet my husband and together we would meet Chris Hardwick.
Give this girl some credit for managing to be okay traveling to the big city even though my body started to have some serious negative reactions on the train. Yes, unfamiliar territory and not driving a car makes me a very uncomfortable girl. But this isn't like the time I bailed out of my honeymoon. This was only an hour on a train and that small period where I go underwater is something people do five times a week without incident, so I told myself I'd be okay after my ears popped.
So in the big city and only mildy afraid of being mugged, I met my husband at his work. It was nice to see he wasn't faking his fancy job description. Hey, as long as he can pay the bills, he can tell me any story he wants. Yes, honey, you type magical words that make computers do your bidding. Good for you.
I had to kill some time so I walked the less than a mile looking very much like a tourist by planning to kick anyone that came within two feet of my personal space. The Apple Store was a wonderful bright beacon of awesome until I saw the line in the front. The event was to start in thirty minutes. Holy crap, did I am I gonna miss it because of the line and the fire code will only let so many of us in? I asked a girl in the line and she told me the line was for the new iPhone. I smiled at her even though my exact thoughts were "yeah, fuck that" and went inside.
There was a little theater upstairs and I saw only half of the seats were full and breathed a sigh of relief. At the same time though, I thought screw you people. Everyone should be basking in this amazing event starting so soon, but don't take my seat. I plopped my stuff in a seat after asking permission from a store employee. He wanted to come back for the show on his break. I offered to save a seat for him, but he nobly said those should be for bigger fans. That's a good man right there.
As I went to slide to my seats when I asked a question to a guy on the end who had the book. (As a side note I called the store in advanced and they said the book would not be sold there. I read the Nerdist blog post on the event and it said I could buy the book there. Or at least it was heavily implied. I called the store back and they said if available, it would be sold by the author. Not wanting to take the chance I went to Barnes and Noble and hunted for it like a mad woman with her dog in the car waiting for her. That was the scenario. Yeah, the book was somewhere. That was the helpful information I got. Four copies that hadn't been unpacked in the store somewhere. They told me to come back later that afternoon. I actually said I couldn't I was meeting the author in San Francisco. That was code for find the FUCKING BOOK. They did not get the hint but showed an apologetic look. Grrrrrr.)
So this guy was freaking awesome and I decided to sit with him instead. Turns out he came all the way from Sacramento and even does an online webcomic. I don't know how to feel around people who have so much talent and aren't afraid to put themselves out there. I have the same jealousy issues with my sister in law. So talented and has no fear. I had a panic attack at a midnight screening of The Simpsons Movie because I showed up in costume. DON'T JUDGE ME BUT AT THE SAME TIME THINK I'M AWESOME. Yeah, it doesn't add up.
Speaking of costumes, anyone who listens to the Nerdist Podcast should know Chris Hardwick has asked for people to show up to his gigs in costume. He even made it a requirement at the taping of the Nerdist TV pilot. Well, in my bag of safety I included my Halloween costume. I debated over it, but realized I only live once and went to the bathroom and came out looking slightly different, but a little proud that with a casual glance, I just looked like a hipster, and not the weakest link from Captain Planet. And as the pseudo hipster that I am, I wasn't the character, but a specific person doing a parody of the character. I'd explain, but I don't want to sound even more like a hipster than I already do. Put it to you this way. Some fans of Channel Awesome might know who I was, but there's no real way to distinguish me from the original character, but mainly I chose it as a way to amuse my husband. The end.
So there I was and I got to listen to Chris Hardwick get interviewed by Veronica Belmont. He read the intro to his book and took questions. I debated on whether I wanted to ask anything and for the stupidest reason ever, I decided no other girl has asked one, I have to represent. He looked at me the whole time and is was terrifying/awesome. The event wrapped up and we stood in line to meet the author. I was pissed that I didn't have his book for him to sign, but he was nice enough to tell me where to send the book so he could.
I should also mention that there were people wandering around trying to get a glimpse of the guy people where standing in line for. This blonde being not subtle was hovering and I told her "It's Chris Hardwick." She responded with "Yeah, I don't know who that is" and walked away. THEN STOP HOVERING AND GO AWAY, BITCH. I wouldn't normally react that way, but I hate people who think it's cool to not be star struck. At least the man did more than you did so shut up.
Back to the meeting. My costume was so effective, he had no clue who I was until I pointed it out. Damn, I always want to make a positive impression on my entertainment idols without coming off as creepy. I even asked him if he got the e-mail inviting him to my wedding. I hope I didn't come off as a dick because he seemed really apologetic that he has no recollection of it though I had a sense he was mentally looking for a weapon he could use if the crazy chick goes off. I got a picture with him, an autograph and all was right with the world.
And to the blonde bitch I mentioned before, I don't know who Veronica Belmont was, and I felt bad about it, but I spoke with her, told her hot tech girls make things harder for girls like me and asked for a picture with her. That's how you do it.
I was ready to go home except for a small snag. I was hungry. One thing I'll admit about San Francisco is even in a mall, there were some amazing choices for food. And I mean food that I've been denied in my mostly wonderful but mostly bland suburban home. Since I didn't want to make myself sick on the way home, I chose a gyro. It was good, but it was missing something only a small restaurant nestled in my home town could provide. Fortunately, I made a pilgrimage to that wonderful gyro place and quieted that craving.
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